I met a guy in my senior year of highschool.We both liked each other. He was the first guy I really liked. He told me he had commitment issues. He went on dates with other girls. We were never official. He ghosted me. I was in a really bad place. I was self harming, I was suicidal. My parents were also going through a nasty divorce. My depression and anxiety got the best of me that year, I didn’t know if I was going to graduate.He was literally the one thing holding me together. I realized I loved him When he left I fell apart. 2 years later I found out he was dating my ex best friend ( they broke up a few months later). A year later during the end of my relationship with my narcissistic ex we reconnected. After my ex and I broke up. HS guy and I got close. He said he loved me back then and loves me now. I didn’t want another relationship and I said I am not in love with him.We decided to be exclusive FWB. We only met up twice in may. In june he had a death in his family and got super distant. My anxiety got bad and I got super clingy. At the end of june He blocked me and I messaged him through apps. He said we were toxic to each other. And said he wanted us to be individual therapy. I agreed with him. He said he wanted a break after our meet up. He canceled our meetup supposedly cuz work. He blocked me and said cuz nothing has changed. After seeing a video about it I realized I did a favorite person ( my whole existence rely on this person) I felt so guilty and I needed to my old fav person so I did he said he knew. I feel so lost