Breakup failings how to recover

I graduated high school with the goal of saving myself until my wedding night.

I started college and working I saved what I had into savings account for my books, things I set out to achieve.

I dated the man I felt butterflies with when I was around him I told him I was saving myself until marriage he said that was fine bought me a promise ring. But he didn't believe in the things I held close to me thought college, church was not a good investment. He didn't believe in God.

We broke up, I went to college class next day opened up my notebooks in each one he wrote me poems, told me he loved me and behind each cover he drew something about us.

It was too much, I dropped out of college.

I would go to this Park we went to on our first date he actually made us a picnic. I would Run and run feel my heart in my chest, feel my heartbeating the pain only time i felt alive I thought that maybe we would run into each other there. Two years. I traveled, I went to the most beautiful places but it was nothing when he wasn't by my side.

I woke up saw through my window the sun rising and I called him for the first time in two years he told me he was single all those years thinking about me, he had changed volunteering at church, in that moment he stopped what he was doing working he drove out to see me I jumped in his arms we both were so happy.

We fell in love with each other, I could see that he had changed those two years hardened him, I was broken, he wouldn't talk about what he had gone through without me but I could see a pain in him. His younger brother told me he's so happy when you are here happiest that I've seen him but when you are gone he screams, Cry's, punches things and drinks so much he took me to the back of the house to show me his empty bottles.

We were renting a house together after he made a promise to marry me outside of the church. We were fixing the house, I lived with my parents and I stopped by one night and he kissed me like he was drowning and I was his oxygen. He punched the stove and it broke glass everywhere he was screaming my name and said please don't leave me.

hurt pain he would like to spend time alone thinking. We had a fight he told me to go find that perfect guy out there.

We made love that night he kissed me when I walked through the door.

I found out we were expecting, he was sweet towards me took me camping.

We had a big fight he grabbed my things and told me it was over he said go

He grabbed me when I was going to leave kissed me and started crying and he said please go before I can't do this

I haven't spoken to him since but I still feel this yearning towards him.

I've been fighting myself because from what I've known if a man loves you he will do everything to be with you he would be writing me calling me. Asking about me.

I still feel this way and its been years. His friend I ran into told me he's alone and still thinks of me that he talks about me

What would you do I feel like the notebook like Noah where he's so in love with one person and my heart aches and I feel like her waiting for him to reach out

I need your advice

1. How to get over a break up move on get my life going

2.How to pick up the broken pieces

How do I know if he's the one for me