SO nervous. First ultrasound tomorrow after mmc in April

Hi ladies, just looking for a place to vent and be heard among a group of women who understands what I’m going through.

This April I went in for a routine anatomy scan at 19 weeks. We were so excited to find out the gender of our baby. I asked the tech when she got started: “can you please take a picture for me? My husband wasn’t allowed to come today, I want him to see” (I was alone due to Covid). A minute later, she announces she needs to leave the room, she’ll be back in a few minutes. She returns, and promptly says “I’m sorry, but there is no heartbeat.” I will never, ever forget that moment.

It has been the hardest few months of my life trying to get to the place where I am now. We found out we were pregnant this month. I can get through the day without crying. I even catch myself enjoying the new pregnancy.

Tomorrow is my first ultrasound to see if the baby I have growing inside is doing exactly that, growing. I’ve had symptoms, but not severe. Certainly not severe enough to reassure me things are ok. I am so scared to lie down on that table, and to possibly hear the words I’m now so familiar with in an ultrasound.

Please keep me in your thoughts. I’m so scared.