Am I an asshole?

I have pretty intense anxiety that gets triggered by being overstimulated. This can be by noise, touch, etc.. I also can be triggered into panic attacks that can sometimes be the hyperventilating type.

I’m not a hugger. I never have really been a hugger either. But my son is 11 and he’s highly affectionate. He needs a lot of attention and affirmation, which I try to give as much as I can. But he hugs me at least a dozen times a day- which immediately triggers my anxiety and my body rejects it (I jolt and immediately pull away) before I can even process what has happened. His hugs are more like strangles- where it pins down my arms, or goes around my neck. That makes me extremely panicked. I can see in his face he’s sad that I’ve rejected his hug, which breaks my heart. But I’ve also told him lots and lots of times to ask before touching someone (we tie this in with teaching him consent/stop/etc). I’ve explained that mommy doesn’t enjoy being hugged and cuddled, and that I don’t even let dad cuddle me. I DO however give him a hug before bed, and anytime we say goodbye. I tell him I love him all day long. We talk. We have an otherwise good relationship, but I cannot stand feeling like I’m being smothered all day long and it’s gotten to a point where I’m becoming agitated (and therefore mean) as a reaction. Im the type of person who just unfortunately, needs a lot of physical space so that I don’t get overstimulated and trigger a panic attack.

I feel like an asshole but I have to consider my mental well being too.