Down and out

We always say you aren’t out until AF shows... well she showed her ugly face today.

My wife and tried 2 years ago to get pregnant and successfully did twice both times resulting in miscarriage. After the second miscarriage we decided we would be happy with what we had which is my now 13 year old son and our sweet nephews whom we love like our own. We just couldn’t deal with the heartache that came with miscarriage.

Fast forward 2 years, I recently lost my mom to Alzheimer’s and deciding life is to short my wife and I decided we wanted to try again. This was our first cycle of trying and I thought for sure it took but nope. Now I’m not so sure if trying to have a baby is the right thing and what if I do get pregnant.... will it just end in more heartache? I’m mad at myself for getting my hopes up with the first cycle. I feel like I let my wife down and my brother in law, who is our donor. I’m sad I’m confused but mostly I’m just scared and my wife as hard as she tries just doesn’t understand.

Not really sure how to put what I’m feeling into words.