Help :(

1 day ago today my partner of 5years decided to walk out on me and out kids, and I told him if he leaves us this time he doesnt come back at all. Long story, short im a victim of domestic violence and its been just over a year since it all happened and I took him back because i love him and I dropped all charges and statements of what happend because I couldn't bear the thought of him going away, so we have been trying, well I have at least but he always finds a reason to put me down and speak bad about me and im honestly over it but I love him with more than anything in the whole world and all I want to do is have him hold me but I no i can't do it he does this all of the time and thinks its okay to walk on us, and come back and somehow turn it all around on me and say it was all my fault that he spoke to me the way he did and left,

I guess I need some support on when it will be easier im so lost and confused, why didn't this have to happen why couldn't we just have a healthy relationship, what did I do wrong :( im having a hard time sticking to what I want to do i feel sorry for him.