Is this normal???

I'm a male and I don't have any friends or family members of the opposite gender I feel comfortable enough to talk about it with. My partner and I have been together for since our early 20's and we're now in our late 30's. We both work. We have two children. One big issue that has always reared it's ugly head is she falls asleep on the couch really early. Usually no later than 8:30 pm. It mainly impacts our bedroom intimacy. Which leads to arguments

To be fair, with child number one was born she did the heavy lifting. Most of the household duties fell to her and she was the one who got up with baby at night, changed diapers etc. I didn't help much. She held our house together. So I understand how those circumstances can lead to extreme fatigue.

Things have changed in the 3 years though. We got pregnant with child number 2. I felt like I missed prime bonding time with my first child and I was a crappy partner. So I did a lot more this time around. I got up with the baby more, changed more diapers, just around more involved. I apologized to my wife because I just didn't understand how hard it was. I also started helping out around the house more. I put our kid to bed most nights, do bath time. I now do most of the cooking. Yet she still falls asleep on the couch early every night. I figured not having so much on her plate would be less taxing on her and things would be better. Everything stayed the same. It's extremely frustrating.

Our drives don't match. She doesn't really want to do it more than a few times a month and on the rare occasion that she wants to have sex it's also at 3 or 4 am after she's been asleep all night. She says this is normal, I'm not so