I need encouragement to possibly leave my husband, please.

My husband and I have been going through a rough time for a while now, more seriously in the past year or so. Here’s a timeline of events:

April 2016: we met and began dating.

January 2017: moved in together and to a town where neither of us had family. Both started college again.

February 2017: got in a fight, husband (bf at the time) threatened to hurt me, he left the house, I locked him out and called my brother who lives 6 hours away, Incase husband came back. Husband came back. Broke through the living room window of our apartment, with a beer in his hand still. Threw his laptop on the ground, shattering it. Grabbed me. Took my phone away from me, while I’m yelling for my brother to call the cops. Husband runs out of the house with my phone and leaves. I go to neighbors house and use their computer to Facebook brother. He drives six hours and comes and picks me up. I leave my husband for 2 weeks, hardly any contact. He’s able to convince me that he didn’t mean it and he was just drunk and that he’s sorry. I go back to him.

April 2017: got married at the courthouse. Husband showed up drunk. Married him anyway. Went to work the next day. When I got off work, husband was no where to be found. Came home that night acting weird. We stayed up all night talking, we had a good time most of the time. Thought I was just being paranoid thinking he was acting weird. Decided to take a shower, husband brought me a glass of water and was really persistent in me drinking it. So I took a couple drinks and it tasted really strange. Dumped it out. Then found his bag of meth and realized that he drugged me. I’ve never done drugs. It affected me really hard, I was high, he was high, we fought and called his mom to come stand between us. We got over it after a few days and went back to normal. He was very apologetic. He put down meth and weed after this incident and hasn’t had either since this happened. Sober for 3 years now.

July 2017: found out we are pregnant, due date March.

September 2017: husband and I got in a fight one night. He was up in my face threatening me, so I slapped him after telling him to leave me alone multiple times. He shoved me into the corner of the doorframe, I fell onto the bathroom floor and got the wind knocked out of me. Husband dragged me by my legs to the front door and told me to go. So I did. Went straight to the ER, where I got my baby checked on. Stayed the night in the hospital. Husband decided to go to the strip club all night. Go so drunk that he threw up all over his truck coming home. Smelled like some other perfume that wasn’t mine when he and I both got home the next day. (strip clubs are strongly prohibited in our marriage. Husband knew this from the start of dating relationship.)

November 2017: husbands mother suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. (Im six months pregnant at this point.)

December 2018: husband started new job, 12 hours away from home. Works for two weeks, home for two weeks, etc.

January 2018: got in another big fight. Husband left for the strip club again. Don’t know what happened. Made him throw away his nasty smelling clothes when he got home.

March 2018: baby is born. Happy for a little while, taking care of our new daughter.

April 2018- April 2019: fighting consistently, but not constantly. We’re able to have happy times and make some fun memories with our daughter. But communication is dwindling at this point.

March 2018 - Present: fighting constantly. 1. Fighting with husband, I threatened to burn him with a cig, but didn’t. He got in my face and tried to knock my cig out of my mouth, but hit me instead, knocked my glasses off my face and bruised next to my eye. 2. Fighting with husband, he got so mad that he said he ‘blacked out’. I was holding our daughter. I called him a pu**y. He ran at me and put his hands around my neck and choked me for a second. Was able to get out of it. I left. 3. Laying in bed one night, my daughter was sleeping next to me in bed. Husband on the other side of the bed. Fighting with husband. He sat up, reached over baby, and started choking me again. I had one arm around my child, couldn’t push him off this time. Had to wait until he let go. He did. I went and slept in my daughters room for the night. 4. Just last night, fighting with my husband because he has completely stopped communicating with me. He is mad at me all the time, only nice to me when he wants sex or for me to do something for him. Hardly has a relationship with our daughter at this point. He calls me names, puts me down, tells me that my feelings are wrong. I’ve been threatening divorce for about a year now. Last night he yelled at me, “Bitch! I could fuck 20 bitches at once who are all finer than you!” And then went and got McDonald’s and tried to act like nothing happened when he got home. He shows me zero respect any more, and is completely unreliable.

Today: I have been pushing for us to go to marriage counseling for a year now, and husband keeps turning it down. He finally agreed. This is the last chance for me, if this does not help us to be a healthy and positive couple, then I am done. But then, we got in a fight on the phone a second ago, while husband is driving to work. He told me that if I want a divorce, to hang up the phone on him. So I did. And we haven’t talked since then.

Wow. I’ve never written this all out before. And I’ve never told anyone even a quarter of things on this timeline list, and this list isn’t even a quarter of all the fights we’ve been in. I cannot believe I’ve stayed with my husband this long. I should add that I am a stay at home mom to our daughter. My husband has started calling the money “his” since he goes out and works for it. I do have access to the checking and savings account though. Y’all. Please give me piece of mind and encouragement. I know leaving my husband is absolutely best for me and my daughter, but I am terrified of doing so. I think a combination of fear and hope mixed together have held me here this long. And too, no one knows so I’m scared out what my family will say. All they know are the good moments. What do you all think, is marriage counseling worth trying at this point? Should I just leave? If I leave, I will be moving across state lines, where I can get financial help and have family to live with until I can get on my feet. As long as we are still married, it’s legal for me to take my daughter across state lines, right? And then through the divorce we can work out custody and visitation and all that, right? Y’all please just give me encouragement. I’m lost and scared of the future at this point.