I got married at 21. I am now 25. I had a total of 6 people in my bridal party, not counting the flower girl and ring bearer. I had 3 bridesmaids and he had 3 groomsmen. It would have been 4 but unfortunately my MOH got terribly ill the night before and was unable to attend. I still talk to her often and shes one of my closest friends. However, aside from my sister, I am no longer friends with my other two bridesmaids and my husband is no longer friends with one of his groomsmen.

We didn’t have a falling out or anything like that. I still deeply care about them and want the best for them. But things changed. One of them moved to Texas. She was never good about texting or phone-calls. She had been my friend since about 8th grade. She has always been more of an in-person type of girl. So, naturally, we kind of drifted apart. Occasionally I am able to get ahold of her and we have some nice, short, enjoyable conversations, but that’s it. I’ve only seen her once since she moved and it was only for 30 minutes. She brought me lunch to my work and sat with me while I ate. It had been a surprise visit. She has come down to see some family she still had in the area. But that was over a year ago. I still care for her, and if she were to show up suddenly and want to hang out, I would be totally for it....but I just don’t feel as close to her as I once did.

The other had been my friend since 4th grade. Honestly one of my oldest friends. She kind of became a stand in MOH when my other friend was unable to make it. I never expected us to drift apart. But we did. I still love her. I miss her. But, things are different. I got married and moved in with my husband. I got a job and all together just....grew up. We still talk occasionally...very occasionally...and I enjoy the conversations but I haven’t actually hung out with her in like 3 years. We’re the same age but She still lives at home and does whatever her mother tells her and asks for permission to do anything. And I guess I can kind of understand, but when we talk, it comes off as if she’s still mentally 16. Ive tried making plans with her to hang out but every time something comes up last minute. Usually along the lines of having to help her mom with things. This never happened until I got married and I just don’t know if its cause she’s uncomfortable actually hanging out with a married person or if her mother doesn’t want her too...

She was even the one to catch the bouquet. We laughed about it and had a nice time. I just...it’s hard.

My husband is no longer friends with the one groomsmen despite being childhood friends because we found out he was a terrible degenerate of a person who spread Womens nudes without their knowledge and cheated on just about every relationship he’s ever had.

Anyway I chose the people I did and had a small bridal party because I thought these were people who would always be a part of my life. They had already been a part of my life for so long. I miss them. And now I can’t look at the pictures from my wedding. At least the ones with them in it, without feeling a sense of emptiness, loneliness, and sadness. These are photos from the happiest day of my life but I just feel sorrow looking at them. I almost regret even choosing a bridal party but then I feel even sadder. I’m glad they were a part of my special day. I still care about them. And I want the best for them. But I just wish they were still a part of my life. At least in a more permanent sense. Maybe I’m not making any sense. But I needed to vent.