So I've always been a brat and I've known that ever since I found this community and even before but because of my past relationships being abusive mentally and sexually, I've not only hide away the little side of me to the point that it almost feels gone and is hard to show (and I hate it) but when/if I ever do go into little space I'm to scared to be a brat even when there is no reason to be scared. Typing this and everything is really hard and I'm so so so sorry if this isnt the thing to post here, please dont get mad or be rude. I just feel lost and lonely, they took pieces from me and everytime I thought i was in a better relationship they would soon show their true colors, I broke up with my fiance because I finally got the strength too. I lost all my friends because of that relationship and because they were fake. So I have no friends besides my mom but she only knows one indecent that happened to me and it's the least bad and she only knows because we were at a psychologist ( or whatever they are) and she asked something. I have PTSD and Anxiety and nobody to talk to. I dont trust anyone because whenever I do it stabs me in the back. I used little space as an out but because of my ex and how he would get mad because I didnt want to be sexually when in little space I hide that away too. I feel alone and lost but nobody understands and know because I hide it until I'm alone. Maybe it's my fault and I shouldnt be typing or sharing this but idk. I just have nobody and this is the only place I can share it with nobody knowing. Anyways I'm sorry if this isnt the place to post it.