REAL mental health help you guys! I joined a trauma therapy program and tomorrow I start. Which honestly I’m excited for. I know what is wrong with me I’m already on antidepressants, diagnosed with PTSD and depression.

If you’ve seen my posts, I’ve not been doing well. At all. I’ve been having a lot of dark intrusive thoughts and I called my mom reaching out because I felt like if I didn’t, I’d do something self destructive (using gentle words here) first I explained that I wasn’t losing it just because of everything that’s happened this year. (Multiple family losses, life long pet losses, family issues, abuse, everything in fucking between.)

I told her that I’m carrying a lot of trauma that I am not equipped to deal with at all and that i seriously needed help because I can’t exist like this anymore. I told her I felt hopeless due to the fact that I have no knowledge on how to work through this.

Theres been a lot of pain this year for me, and all that pain brought up past pain and trauma that i locked away in the vault. I literally have no idea what to do with it or how to navigate the pain and sadness and stress that I feel. She said “you’re right, we will figure out how to get you help because this is all a lot and you shouldn’t have to do it alone.”

and the next thing I know I get a text from HER therapist, and her therapist is taking me to this mental health facility, had this shit set up before 9am, I will be going twice a week for 3 hour trauma therapy sessions.

And finally, I can start to heal 24 freaking years of trauma, I will get better help managing my depression and severe anxiety.

For the first time in months my heart is so excited it hurts my chest. Hopefully I will blossom. Fuck depression, I’m not going to let it eat me alive. I’m going to get better.