i feel numb

i’ve gotten so good a repressing unpleasant feelings

at keeping my mouth shut

at turning my thoughts and my feelings off

i feel lost

i’m scared to say anything

yelling scares me

confrontation scares me

i’m scared i’m going to get hurt

arguments and fights terrify me

i lay awake listens for sounds of yelling

i cry and cry

i cry instead of saying anything

i cry and then i cant say anything or i will cry harder

anger and fear and sadness make me cry

i feel like i’m always crying anymore

or trying to hold in tears

it’s not fair

why can’t we just be happy

i will never understand

i’m scared of relationships

or commitment of any kind

even my friends

i feel like i can’t really talk to anyone

i cant wait to be free

but i know i’ll never truly be free

that scares me too

i will never be free of the anger and the hatred and the hurt and the yelling

it follows me

it never stops

i cant escape it

i put on a front

i’m supposed to be the happy girl

the do everything daughter

the silly crazy friend

i’m scared i’m losing her

i don’t know who i am

i’m sad

i just want everything to be right

to be normal

to be happy and peaceful

i’m stressed

i’m scared

i cant do this

i’m so in my head all the time

always walking on egg shells

trying not to draw attention to myself

or cause a scene

i have to go

they’re yelling again