Why is this happening?

I literally hate my life now i can’t stop crying i wish i never had a baby my life is so different and i did not sign up for this i literally just want to kill myself why can’t i love my baby the way i want to why can’t i love myself the way i want to i don’t ever wish this feeling upon anyone and i don’t know why i feel this way. I wish i can stop these thoughts in my head i never thought this would happen to me because i love kids i love babies but why can’t i love my own? I’m scared to speak to anybody about this. I tried to speak to someone and the person just ignored me and stopped speaking to me ever since.