I was called out by someone for being a fake friend and A WEIRD BITCH.

It’s that time in life where reproduction is the question. Do you do it or not? We live in a world where that can be a choice.

This has to go in this room. Those are the rules, I do not have another option. This is not a debate, this is just expression of self. Please read the entire thing. It’s really been on my mind a long time.

What’s in my mind? How the world isn’t black and white. It’s not freaking black and white. See, I was recently verbally attacked and called a weird bitch whos a fake friend because I celebrate one friends pregnancy after a major loss, like the kind of loss that’s hard to talk or think about for her. She lost her pregnancy at 20 weeks.

And I cried with her, I celebrated her child with her. He may have been very very early and he may not have had perfectly defined facial features yet or fully formed skin, but I could tell he looked just like her. I talked to her about that, about how she made a beautiful baby and I told her to be proud to show him to the world. And I meant every word I said. My heart genuinely hurt for her.

Because my friend lost an ENTIRE future when she lost her pregnancy. She lost the very possible future of a little boy with brown hair and blue eyes. A son, she lost a son. He was already her son. When you lose a wanted pregnancy you get this entire future ripped away from you and it’s excruciating. So I sit with her, hold her hand when it hurts and tell her she’ll be okay and that she will get through.

And then I have other friends who have abortions. Because she didn’t want that future, the idea of this future was terrifying to her and made her feel fear and dread in her gut because it was a future that could have very well been detrimental to her all around health and possibly her already here children. Maybe it’s even physically detrimental. So she makes a choice, and I celebrate. I tell her that I’m happy I live in a world where my friend is able to take care of herself in the way she needs to. I feel genuine relief for her so that she doesn’t have to feel this way she’s feeling anymore. I go online I ask questions about surgical abortion and report back to her and tell her what others say to expect, and the day of I congratulate her and hype her up for not being pregnant anymore, and tell her that it’s going to be okay and that she can do it and I will hold her hand when it hurts. Because sometimes it does, physically or mentally or both.

And that’s okay too, I tell her it’s normal and to just give it time because you’ll get through.

I hurt when my friends hurt. I celebrate when my friends celebrate. I show up. I show. The fuck. Up. I know who i am, i know what my actions and words are genuine. More importantly, my friends do too. So I may be a weird bitch, but honestly I’m cool with it. I’ll let you have it.

It’s completely possible to be both of these things ✌️AND be a weird bitch too. 🥳

Just god, from this point forward I’m no longer allowing people to make me try to pick a side. The world is not black and white like I said earlier. There’s layers and different colors and different pain and all of them are valid. My only goal is to be the person I would need if I were in their shoes.