After bleeding and passing clots last weekend on Monday I found out that our little Jellybean was no longer in my womb at 8 weeks. My husband took the afternoon off work, a couple of friends provided meals for two nights. On Friday my husband left for an out of state work trip for 5 days, leaving me to care for our two year old alone. None of my family has come to help out, and they didn’t even offer. My best friend is moving this weekend because they sold their house and can’t be available. I feel so painfully alone literally and figuratively. It’s like when you lose a baby this early and that you’re just supposed to move on, be okay, get on with life as though nothing happened. But I’m not ok. And I can’t even really grieve because my toddler still needs my attention and care. It doesn’t help that he suddenly decided to assert his autonomy this week by fighting nap and bedtimes. On top of that with my hormones all out of whack I am having terrible insomnia.

I just feel exhausted, overwhelmed by my responsibilities, and like I am the only one grieving and no one else really cares.