Advice/Opinions

Hey y’all, so I never really post my more personal things on here but truthfully, I have no friends and I’m really at the end of my rope with this whole thing... super long read, but I’m super venting and just need help with this right now

My man and I got together in January. Ironically, we should’ve gotten together 11 years ago but lost touch and found each other again back in November. - We were clearly interested in each other from the beginning. But, he was occasionally messing around with his ex girlfriend. They were NOT together. (I confirmed this through multiple sources). Things moved pretty fast between us, we were roommates basically at the time him and I rekindled. And decided in February that we would move into an apartment together as the situation with our current roommate (who just so happens to be my cousin) wasn’t working out. However, in January, his ex girlfriend and I got into an altercation because she showed up at our house late night making a scene. The altercation was a physical one to say the least. After that, her and I did exchange some words via text and then things were quiet. He told me he wasn’t speaking to her and there was nothing to show me he was.

We moved in together in March, and about 3 weeks later, I discovered he was cheating with her. He had been acting weird for a couple weeks and I caught on. Ended up confirming by checking his phone and seeing her phone number saved under someone else’s name. Naturally I reacted, I told him he could just stay with her and I’d move out of his way. He insisted she isn’t what he wants, that he only spoke to her and gave her what she wanted to keep her from her psycho antics. A couple days later, on the 25th of March, she contacts me, harassing me via Facebook telling me she’s pregnant. At the time though, my boyfriend was not the only person she was involved with sexually. Him and I fought a lot but didn’t break up over it.

She started to do all sorts of crazy things, show up at my house leaving her pregnancy tests on my car. Leaving notes. Showing up in the mornings blocking his work van in from leaving. Contacting us from every social media platform making fake pages and all. He changed his number 4 times and she would find ways to acquire it even went as far as paying a website to get his information. She’d show up at his mothers house. Show up at his friend’s houses. Slandering us all over Facebook. Full blown harassment. We did contact the authorities and got them involved.

We discussed things between us and agreed he should reach out to her to try to get some paternity testing done to figure out if the baby was even his. But, if it was his, he was very clear with her he didn’t want a baby with her and would want her to abort. Which she was agreeable to. However, for 3 months she played with the abortion. Every time he brought up getting the paternity testing done she would evade “what are you saying I’m a hoe?” She manipulated him, if you don’t meet up with me I won’t make the appointment, if you don’t talk to me I won’t go to the appointment, if you don’t give me sex I won’t get the abortion. Just a total shit show. She ended up having him take her to get the abortion pill, but when they got there doctors said she was further along than she had told them by a few days and so she couldn’t do the pill. So then for weeks she toyed with getting the surgery abortion done. She asked for sex to get it done which he told me about and complied. This was the Friday of my birthday weekend Memorial Day weekend.

Then, on my birthday weekend, he didn’t speak to her as we went away and he focused on spending the weekend with me. Oh well she just lost her shit. Made 10 different phone numbers and called him over 100 times because he had to keep blocking her. And then said she wasn’t going to get the abortion done since he didn’t speak to her over the weekend. At that point, I completely gave up on doing things nicely with her. We came back from our weekend away to find out she started drama even with my boyfriends sister on social media. She showed up at my house again the morning of May 27th. I photographed her and we both told her if she didn’t leave we’d have her arrested as she had already been warned before not to come to our home.

I ended up contacting her after she was at my home and we got into an argument. I then contacted her mom and her brother, as she was using her brothers car to show up at my home and someone had to stop her. 2 days later, we get contacted by someone we know telling us there’s no way the baby could be my boyfriend’s as she’s been terrorizing them the same way for months telling them it belonged to someone on their side.

She continued her harassment and we moved forward with pressing charges and getting a restraining order. This was all just for back story. Now, here’s my current situation. ——-

She is giving birth soon, within the next couple of weeks. But I am also pregnant, due in March. My pregnancy was planned and is welcomed by all with so much love.

But now, after all that has happened, my boyfriend feels bad if her baby is his. So he’s been in contact with her for the last week and a half or so. It’s caused so much tension between us because he communicated with her and met up with her in secret to discuss all the paternity stuff with her. He insisted he was going to tell me after. He moves funny and sneaky and I don’t fully believe that it will just be co-parenting if this baby is his (ofc praying it’s not). If the baby is his, I’m okay with him being there for the baby. BUT ONLY FOR THE BABY. She wanted him to come to the baby shower and the birth which he refused because he still doesn’t know if the baby is his. But I feel like he still does too much. They’re in contact everyday. I’ve caught her texting him about threesomes, asking him to participate. She’s asked him if she could do him sexual favors. Which he does deny. But, I feel like, if he applied boundaries she would never dare text him or try him about things like that. So I’m not sure what to think. He doesn’t really want me getting involved. And I’m just at my wits end. I know he’s a huge part of the problem. But, all this is just in my lap, I’m pregnant with his baby. We have a family together. What do I do? Do I just back off and let him do whatever he’s doing and just see how it goes?

My family means more than anything to me and I’m scared he’ll throw it all away getting tangled up again with her.

I still love him and still want to be with him, and we’re expecting our son in just a few months. But I feel like I’m giving up. Like I’m letting go. I so desperately want for him to never do me wrong again but at the same time I feel the need to just protect myself and my kids. I suffer from depression, anxiety, and PTSD already. I haven’t been properly eating or sleeping over this. I pretty much just stay in bed. I can feel myself dying inside. And I’m just not sure what to do.

I’ve spoken to him, he says he’ll fix it. He says he wants to be with me and loves me. But idk. Any advice is welcome. And no it’s not as simple as leave him. We live a very intertwined life, and we already have a family together. I have a 4 year old son that is not his biologically, but is his in every other way.