I know she doesn’t mean to invalidate any of my feelings because she is very understanding and supportive of me and my well being. But at times I feel like she really invalidates what I’m thinking, feeling or trying to tell her.

Especially like with my mental health.

I’ve gone through so much(excuse my language) shit in my life that she’s aware of because she sort of went through some of it or witnessed it, but for whatever reason doesn’t think it could have lasting effects on me!

I have this type of health issue that can cause specific things like depression and anxiety(plus I’m on a medication that can cause that but really don’t think it the medication cuz I’m in the lowest dosage), but she seems not to really believe me when I tell her problems I have.

A lot of this shit I have gone through is 98% traumatic, and she knows trauma can effect so much of the body for others, but not her own daughter seemingly.

Like I have definitely had anxiety issues from when I was young due to my father being abusive(but he was never physically abusive) and my mother wasn’t really fully emotionally there, and I’ve tried to explain that I never liked big crowds, a lot of my childhood I walked on eggshells not just around my father but sort of her too, I almost get a panic attack every time I have to make an appointment, go to a appointment, or even seeing friends and socializing can cause these things along with so many other things. I also used to ask for simple things like “can I have lunch” for example. And I sometimes I still ask for things that are so simple, but it doesn’t seem to spark a red flag to her that there’s something wrong?!

It’s frustrating because I’ve told her I struggle with how I view my body, I’ve told her about almost all the traumatic shit I’ve gone through, I’ve tried to explain that I could have anxiety, depression and even possibly ADHD(because it’s different in women then it is men), but she just shuts them down and almost makes excuses or blames it on this health issues I have or the medication. Even though built up trauma that’s left in the body can cause harm to the body in SO many different things ways.

For almost two years I just felt numb because I was in this consent state of flight or fight, and she knows this as well.

And maybe she tries to blame it on my health issues because she doesn’t want to realize how broken her own daughter is and never saw it? Idk.

But like, I think I know I’m depressed when for entire year I thought of offing myself multiple times a day, when my father majorly did a number of me by making the gaslighting worse I had the thought of I should of killed myself years ago, I seriously thought I wouldn’t make it past the age of 15-16( I am now 19) because of how much I hated myself and life, and just a whole bunch of obviously depressed things.

Of course I don’t tell her that I wanted to do all that because it’s upsetting for even me to look back on.

But like, I’m trying to start the healing process and she’s super supportive of that, but she can’t validate my feelings on MY mental health?

I just don’t understand why she’s like this or why she does that.

I just needed to get this off my chest.(I’m also aware I definitely need to go to therapy, but am poor and can’t afford even cheap therapy)

I also know that she isn’t my therapist or anything like that. But we do have a very open and honest relationship and she’s always been supportive of me in many different ways. She has always said I can come to her and talk about anything, so I’m just upset about this little aspect of our relationship.