My family had a blow up, it’s such a long story, my dad lost his mind that I was making a mess while making my moms birthday cake which led to us leaving for safety reasons and moving out the same week (we had been renting their detached apt from them then moved into the main house, long story there too. I have two little ones I promised myself would never be exposed to their papas shit behavior).

My sister was getting married two weeks later, she and my brother got involved and said some very harsh, hurtful, but true things about my mom and dad to my mom in a group message. It was relayed to my dad as if I said those things, which I did not, I kept it very neutral, loving, but truthful. He told me to get out (I already was planning to) and talked shitty to me to the point my 3.5 y/o said “why are you talking to my mom like that” and he said “I don’t answer to a fucking three year old”.

My sister got married but given that I abruptly needed to scrape money for rent / deposit & move, there was NO way I could make it happen and would have had to drive an 8hr drive alone with two young kids & the wedding was on my younger sons visit night with his dad (8mos at the time). The night before my mom said “are you sure there’s no way” like the night before? Seriously? There was zero effort by any of my family to even try to see if there was anything they could help with to make sure I was there and even still I half assed was allowed to FaceTime during the ceremony. Zero pictures even included the FaceTime.

Today, I sat through two hour slideshow and video of my sisters wedding day, which was so incredibly beautiful, moments that were beautiful, and I’m happy for her. I truly am. it just puts a freaking dagger in my heart and drags it all around. I feel like I’m not a part of the family at all. My parents have come to see their grandkids twice and for very short periods since we moved.

I won’t go to my parents because their dog attacked my son, and then lunged at him again and consistently was getting let out after I would make sure he was put away so I drew a hard line. My mom being her lovely self said extremely hurtful low blows just because she hates the idea of any kind of inconvenient boundaries.

I don’t even know if I WANT a relationship with them, it feels like I’m the only one ever making any effort and they are extremely toxic. My brother and I don’t talk ever, my sister and I are the closest of any of us, my dad is an angry immature emotionally incompetent human (borderline personality disorder laced with narcissism), my mom is manipulative and immature.

I have no idea how to navigate holidays. I am thinking to just do something with me and my boys and saying whoever wants to join cool like maybe a thanksgiving dinner at home and then a Christmas breakfast or something but it makes me really sad feeling solidified in the whole I literally do this alone, all of it, entirely with zero support. I know they will want to host, my parents. But I have two young kids and live about 45 mins away now, without that their dog could hurt my children so I won’t go. I feel like drawing boundaries really makes it obvious that I am not family to them. I don’t know.my therapist is challenging my idea of needing a relationship with them, because it literally adds nothing to my life In fact is makes it a lot worse. But it makes me extremely sad to think that there won’t be a relationship there but there already isn’t so I don’t know what the block is in my mind. I guess maybe the ideal.

Sprain

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