FINAL EDIT PLEASE READ:
Okay so I confronted him about it and he straight up admitted it and doesn’t see anything wrong with it. I asked him if he enjoyed himself last night (talking about what happened) and he said “oh yeah”. I asked him if he remembered anything and he said “yeah I remember everything, by the time we got back to the hotel I was 100% sober”. I asked him what I was like like was I coherent or what and he said “dead”. I asked if my eyes were open or closed and he said “closed”. I asked if I said anything or talked at all, he said “you said no, but when I put it in you didn’t say anymore and didn’t stop me so I took that as the go ahead to keep going”. And I told him well I didn’t say anything because I was passed out and he said “that’s fine with me”. I told him that I was in and out of consciousness for the whole thing and he said “that’s good, now you know what it’s like to get raped by me”. I got really upset and I guess he could see it on my face and he asked me “what, you’re mad?” And I said I just felt weird that he basically raped me and he said “well it was just me”. He’s been acting totally normal for the whole day like it’s no big deal. It’s really making me question if it is or not. I mean he didn’t hurt me ? And we are dating? Can I really be upset? Thank you all for your comments btw. I am reading them slowly. Still trying to process...
I’ll try to make this short. My boyfriend and I are currently on vacation with his brother and his brothers wife. We all decided it would be fun to take some shots and walk around. We each took 4/5. After walking around we came back to the hotel. We were all pretty drunk, but I felt VERY drunk. ( I’m sick and ive been taking cough medicine and I didn’t think about that until after we had been drinking). The whole walk back to the hotel my boyfriend kept telling me to walk straight, try to act sober, etc. so security wouldn’t get us in trouble, so I don’t think he was quite as drunk as me and his brothers wife were, but still drunk though. Once we were back I went to the bathroom to pee. I guess I was making a lot of noise, I remember knocking some shampoo bottles over so he came in to help me. I remember him turning on the shower and I figured he was gonna say for us to shower and maybe try to sober up, but instead he takes out his dick and starts making me suck it while I’m still on the toilet. I remember blowing him for like a minute or so which to me didn’t seem like a big deal, but then he put me on the bathroom floor and started trying to fuck me. I wasn’t wet like at all so he was having a hard time and I kept telling him no and was super worried about his brother and his wife hearing us cuz they were in the hotel room too. But he kept trying and eventually got it in. So I’m laying there while hes fucking me and I’ts like I’m drifting in and out and then I remember he starts to stick his fingers in my ass... idk how many fingers he ended up using but it was painful. I kept trying to tell him to stop but eventually I guess I kind of fell asleep? Like I remember opening my eyes at certain times and I can remember those moments but then I would close my eyes and I have no idea how much time had passed and when I was awake I couldn’t speak. Eventually he started fucking me anally. I have no idea how long that went on for. I remember at the end opening my eyes and my shirt was over my head, like all the way over my head so I couldn’t see, I could feel my boobs were out so he had obviously taken off my bra.. I remember feeling and hearing him getting toilet paper and wiping cum off of me. I then remember hearing him get in the shower while I’m still on the floor. I didnt move the whole time, I kind of was asleep In and out again. Then when he got out of the shower I remember him telling me to lift up and he was Sliding my panties back on.. when we went back into the room with his brother and brothers wife he laid me in bed and told them I fell asleep on the toilet and laughed about how drunk I was... now mind you I love him very much and we’ve been together almost 3 years so I’m really not trying to accuse him. But this just feels weird to me and I’m wondering honestly if I was raped? I really don’t know what to think.
EDIT TO ADD: He just asked me how I liked the sex and I told him, “well I don’t really feel like a had a choice”, and he said he knows and that turned him on more. And that he would put his dick in my vagina to get it wet back and forth continuously to make it easier for him to fuck me anally.
EDIT TO ALSO ADD:
I keep remembering little bits and pieces. I remember when he started putting his fingers in my ass that I was making painful faces and mouthing ouch and no, but he continued to do stick his dick in anyway. I remember him whispering things like “I know it hurts baby I’m sorry” and “shhh it’s okay”. And I remember when he was finished he told me not to say anything and to just agree when he told them I fell asleep on the toilet. I woke him up about an hour ago when I got up to the restroom and he asked me why I was awake and I told him that my bottom was hurting and so I couldn’t sleep. He then pulled me close to him to cuddle and wanted to hold my hand and gave me kisses and said that he was sorry and that it just felt really good. I am just super conflicted with how I feel about this... I was 100% drunk and was in and out of consciousness and I feel like that turned him on more? And that he didn’t care that I was in pain. I mean we’ve had sleepy sex before but he always knew that I was consenting cuz I would wake up and then just pretend to sleep, that’s what he likes. And we’ve done anal before but there has definitely been times when it’s been forced and he’s told me that the pain would just last for a minute and that I would be okay. He’s used lube more recently to get me to try and agree to it more often. But this time just feels so different.. but I really feel like he loves me and I feel like he doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong. Like maybe is this my fault since we’ve done stuff like this before? Or is this normal and I’m just being crazy?? Idk what to think. I just know I feel so dirty... like I woke up braless with my shirt pulled up covering my face , with my panties around my ankles... and that he just showered while I laid naked on the floor. Idk I’m just confused and upset.