I am 18 weeks pregnant tomorrow and I've had some very though weeks. About 2 months ago the day after I told my parents that I was pregnant, my dad got hospitalized for Covid. It's been really hard as they are in a different country than me and I haven't been able to see them since 2018. This year was my wedding celebration and we were going to be all together again, it was planned for May 2020 but due to Covid we had to postpone it about 45 days before we would finally be together.

Then when my dad contracted Covid he was fighting so hard because his absolute dream in life was to be a grandfather and he was so happy and hopeful about my pregnancy. My pregnancy has been full of pain and worry because he had to go 4 times into Intensive care but I still thought he was going to make it through. Last week my dad was not able to fight anymore and he is now in peace but I feel absolutely desperate and inconsolable, I know he is not suffering anymore but I can't conceive my life without my dad, and knowing he was so close to meet his grandkid. I am also away from my family and it makes it 10 times harder not being able to be there with them in this time, I don't know what to do, it feels my life is crumbling down and this pain is consuming me. I've suffered from depression before in my life and it's been a thing in my family but I've never felt like this before like everything is over and nothing will ever be joyful ever again. I made an appointment for a psychiatrist in a few days but it feels like forever and it get harder everyday, I feel lost and absolutely overwhelmed, I don't know what to do