Im absolutely terrified! TW: baby loss

I lost my son in 2019 in September at 20 weeks. His name was Jasper. He was absolutely perfect! My husband and I were Ecstatic to know that we finally were pregnant after trying for so long. Unfortunately, that was taken from us due to unfortunate events.

We currently had been trying for a year and a few months to get pregnant again, and three days ago I tested and I’m pregnant😮 I’m absolutely scared to death to be honest. I can’t even get excited about it and I feel selfish for that. God was so gracious enough to give us this chance once again and I feel ungrateful because I don’t know what to expect. I don’t want to see my husband go through what we already have, or my family. I don’t want to go through all the bitter feelings and depression again. I SO badly want to be excited and overjoyed that I will be a mother again. My first appointment is on the 20th, if my app is correct I’m currently 5 weeks.

Any advice or tips would be great. I was working as a CNA, but left my job to be even more cautious because I’m high risk. I really want this more than anything in this entire world. Just to hold my future baby who is healthy and give them the world.