Psychological Help! :( My FRIEND has an oddly amazing effect on me to where I always cry, but in a good way. Why?

Question

About two years ago when I was a senior in Highschool I was volunteering at a workshop for adults with special needs for school. The department I was in I met this young lady  who worked there that I volunteered with to help with the workshop. I don’t know what it is or why but for some reason she has an ABSOLUTE HUGE effect on me in the greatest way. Everyday I was there she was always there to talk to me about life, what to expect, how to deal with friends, how to love myself. Like I felt the genuine love that she had for me that was absolutely so unreal. So unreal that thinking about her to this day I shed a tear because she makes me feel like ‘crying’(?). I don’t know I’m so confused but I have been so reluctant on catching up with her and seeing her because she brings tears outve me like I haven’t cried in years. Man I’m crying right now! She is the only person I can talk to that I should’ve been talking to all along and I haven’t because she makes me cry. Like I’m embarrassed and upset by it because WHYY does she make me cryyy I just want to see her because she means so much to me but I want to know WHY I feel this way because WHY is she having this crazy effect on me that no one else has ever given me!?? Am I broken!?🥴

Answer

Well it could be a few different reasons, you could be questioning your sexual identity, you could have a physical attraction to her, or you could just be attracted to the fact that she’s somebody who has a positive impact in your life and you would rather surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself. It may not be sexual at all, and sometimes we need somebody like that in our life who supports us and gives us emotional advice or whatever we may be needing or lacking, often times at home we didn’t receive that, we will search for what we are missing and other people. I don’t think you’re broken, I think everyone comes with some sort of issue, whether it was your parents not being around or not being there for you, you grow up and only child and didn’t have siblings or friends that fulfilled that in you. I myself have probably more baggage than the airport, from childhood on up. My refuge was men, my father died when I was young, I had a “father figure” from six until 16, I was sexually abused at the age of eight, I was raped, I was abused in every which way under the sun, I cut myself, I went through a weird anti-hair phase where I shaved or plucked every single hair on my body even my eyelashes and eyebrows. I was an alcoholic by the age of 12, I stripped, I became a dominatrix, and men were always my escape from reality. Even to this day and I’m in my 40s, I’m realizing now that I’m in my 40s that I actually have daddy issues, the last guy I dated actually resembled my dad, I know it sounds weird, I’m not in love with my father, but now I’ve been dating older man since I turned 40 and those men give you that daddy vibe, single fathers who are a good fathers and loving and supportive as a father would be, they encourage you they are there for you emotionally, all the things that I was lacking from my childhood on up. Everyone does things for a reason. This person gives you that feel good feel good about yourself lift you up emotionally, like a mentor or a best friend or maybe it is more, maybe you actually have a physical attraction to her and want to be around her, that I can’t tell you, that is within you when you need to sort out. But everyone comes with some kind of baggage in a struggling with something, we all have some kind avoid whether that gets filled with alcohol or sex or drugs or a religious affiliate or whatever it may be, but we were all born with this void inside of us. Whether we are people seeking or people pleasing or looking for acceptance or approval or we are looking for love in all the wrong places like I was, this is why social media is so big because people get that sense of validation that they don’t feel in their own life, it lifts their self-esteem their self-worth the attention, the approval from others, and then the same token sometimes they are the loneliest people because they suffer with mental health issues of depression and anxiety, or relationship issues, you don’t see what goes on behind closed doors you only see what they want you to see. They might have a big flashy car product lines or whatever it may be, but I can assure you behind closed doors it is a totally different situation. You need to figure out why you are feeling this way. Whether that is seeking professional help or on your own, whether it’s journaling or self reflection or figuring out if you’re struggling with your sexuality, or if it’s just the fact that you want her as a friend or a mentor or as a companion or your partner, you need to figure all of that out, everyone needs an escape from reality, and I think that she was yours. And that’s why you felt so close to her and she lifted you up and made you feel good about yourself etc. I don’t know if it’s a sexual attraction or not, only you can figure that out. But I will reach out to her and ask her if she wants to grab a cuppa coffee sometime, tell her you know I haven’t talk to you in a while, I was thinking about you and I wanted to see if you wanted to hang out sometime, I wouldn’t admit any feelings for her anything unless you know for yourself that she is playing for that side of the field, because the last thing you need is to feel awkward rejection or avoidance or make her feel uncomfortable and her avoiding you altogether. Let it come from them, and that way you never have to worry about it or getting your feelings hurt. But I would take it from a completely platonic place, and just reach out and say hey I was thinking about you the other day and I wanted to see if you want to grab a cuppa coffee, it’s harmless, it’s not a date, it’s just to catch up, and see how she’s doing, or maybe have a video chat or a zoom call or whatever other social media platform you use. We’re just a phone call or a text message or whatever it may be. But you need to figure out where you’re coming from with this place that you were feeling right now and how your feelings are towards this person. It’s OK to cry it’s OK to have that release that you need because I’m sure you’re feeling overwhelmed by your emotions and that is your body‘s way of expressing it. I never had anyone to talk to you when I was younger so I decided to be the adult that I needed as a child on here. I don’t care how old you are I don’t care your sexual orientation I don’t care how you choose to live your life, I don’t judge anyone, because your life doesn’t affect my life, why should I care how you choose to live it it doesn’t affect me. I have no reason to judge anyone. But I am an ear to listen and advice if I can give it, I’ve pretty much been through everything under the sun so I can relate to almost anything. If I can’t relate or I don’t have knowledge of it I would most definitely recommend a doctor or therapist or whatever it may be. I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do take care of yourself.￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼

Psychological Help! :( My FRIEND has an oddly amazing effect on me to where I always cry, but in a good way. Why?

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