How do I keep going?

Question

I feel so lost and empty and just keep bursting in to tears. I don’t even feel like eating but I force myself to have some food just because somewhere deep down at the bottom of my heart I still have the last bit of hope left that my little Peanut is still fighting somehow and I’ll go for my scan on Tuesday and they will say it is all going to be ok. I keep wearing my “Little Peanut” t-shirt just to make sure that my Peanut knows I’m still fighting for them and I will fight until the end. I know we can try again but at the moment I can’t even think about it. I don’t want another baby, I want this baby. The baby that I love with my all heart. It honestly feels like my heart is being ripped apart. I couldn’t even face going back to work so my doctor has signed me off for two weeks because I just don’t feel I’d be able to even do anything. I would be really grateful if any ladies that have gone through it before could share their stories with me please and let me know what helped them heal and what made them feel better again. Reading your stories is the only thing that brings me comfort right now. And I absolutely love seeing all the good news and am forever grateful for all your support.

Answer

I’m so sorry to hear this- it’s so heartbreaking. The only comfort i can provide is that you’re not alone. Last year I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks, after having a scan a few weeks before and seeing a heartbeat. The week inbetween first finding out I was likely miscarrying to the confirmation scan a week after was so hard! And like you, I took the time off work. Even though it’s not something you just get over, time does definitely help so just hang in there and do whatever you need to do to get through these days - take care of yourself as much as possible. You can reach out to this group any time too ❤️❤️

Answer

Karolina tou have been in my thoughts for the last few days. I hope you get the strength to get over this phase. You are amazing and so supportive and please remember that we are all here for you if you need to talk. I will keep you in my prayers 💜💜

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Oh, honey. My heart hurts so much for you. As much as I hate even saying it, the only thing that helps is time. I still look back and compare at what should have been had I not miscarried my first transfer. I ask myself so many questions; what gender would it be? Would my baby be walking now? Oh, look at that memory, I should have stopped taking PIO that week.... I think its really important to grieve the loss and feel all of the emotions. The first few weeks are SO tough. Trying to correlate a reason to the outcome, along with enduring the physical and mental pain you'll endure-- it is just the worst! Be gentle on yourself these next few weeks and know that we are here for you ❤ Do what you need to do to get by. Sending massive hugs your way!

Answer

Thinking and praying for you and your little peanut, I’m not sure what you are going through but I can tell you that we are all here for you and feeling the pain right along side of you.
Please try to take care of yourself- what ever happens was not anyones fault, I truly believe things happen for a reason, what ever the outcome is- I am with you...

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I'm so sorry Karolina. I'm praying for a miracle for you but I can imagine how painful it would be to receive this news. I'm sure you already know this, but you certainly didn't do anything wrong. 
Please take all the time you need to grieve, and know that we're here for you 💛

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Oh Karolina I just read your first post about your scan update and I am literally in tears over here! I am so sorry you are going through this. You have such a beautiful soul and it does not seem fair at all! This journey we’re on is full of so many heartbreaks along the way 😢 
When my dr told me I had an 80% chance of miscarriage I felt exactly the same as you. That was MY baby she was talking about and I didn’t want another one, I only wanted her. I suffered for weeks not knowing what would happen in between ultrasounds with more bad news each time, but I prayed for peace and acceptance and I think that really helped me to fight through. I also became slightly obsessed with my game plan moving forward for my possible future FET, retrieval, and even egg adoption if it came to it. I needed to have hope because it was the only way I felt I could survive. 
I am praying SO hard for a miracle for your precious angel right now, but also for you to have peace and find strength no matter what happens. Take as much time as you need to grieve and know that we are all here for you if you ever want to talk.❤️

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I’m praying for a miracle with you.  I’m so sorry you got this news. We are here for you.

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I am SO sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine the pain you feel in this moment. I wish I could help pull you out of the darkness, but time is really the only thing that will help I think. So sit in the dark as long as you need, feel the depth of all of these emotions and grieve . One of my best friends had a blighted ovum and went through something very similar, she was holding on to hope for that second scan and a day or two before she went in she just knew in her heart that it was time to let go and the scan confirmed. She wasn't going through fertility treatments but it was a struggle to get pregnant the first time and then she was able to get pregnant a few months later and now has a healthy beautiful baby girl. I really don't understand why this happens to the best people, it's just awful and fucked up honestly that's the only way I can put it. I'm here for you babe 💜 we all are.

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I’m so sorry Karolina. I’m praying your baby is a fighter! I had an early miscarriage at 5 weeks and it was devastating. I took some time to grieve and then I jumped back into ivf. Some women need more time, but knowing we had a plan was the only thing that gave me hope and kept me going. It’s hard to understand why this happens at the time it does, but I believe it’s all for something and there’s a light at the end of the tunnel no matter the path to get there. Hang in there, be kind to yourself and reach out if you need anything!

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I’m so sorry you’re going through this 😭my heart breaks reading this, my thoughts and love are with you ❤️ praying for a miracle.

How do I keep going?

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