So I’ve been diagnosed with depression and ptsd not that long ago even though I’ve known I’ve had it since I was young. I work full time every day a week and I have to put a whole happy mask on but when I’m by myself, example: a toilet break, I just burst out crying and when I get home I’m just really depressed and low and don’t want to leave my room. I’m 18 now and I feel like I have all this pressure on me like to move out, save for a car, get my license, taxes you know just being an adult. I feel like it’s my fault that I didn’t prepare myself to this, which is true.

⚠️TW:Self Harm/Suicide thoughts/abuse⚠️

I was 3 years free of self harm and recently started scratching and picking at my skin again. I’ve been distancing myself from everyone including my SO. I’ve been having thoughts of ending my life and have even made a noose that just sits in my cupboard staring at me. I hate this feeling, I feel worthless. Not to mention I was abused sexually through out my childhood and in my preteen years so my body feels disgusting and dirty. I cry every night wishing my first attempt of suicide worked. It’s hard to talk to my partner as sometimes he doesn’t think about what he’s saying and it makes me feel worse. It’s gotten to the point where I feel like there is no one there for me so I punch myself and pull my hair. I saw a doctor and all they said was that I should go hospital when I have a panic attack so they can put me in a room. Which sucked because I don’t want to leave like this in this constant cycle of faking my emotions to just to home and be surrounded my thoughts of dying. Nothing helps I try to go for a walk or try distract myself and NOTHING works.