I’m ruining my life & can’t stop it *UPDATE

Why am I about to marry a man I don’t love?

1. We have a daughter and I can stay home with her for now while he works.

2. We share a good laugh sometimes

3. I’m very close to his family

These are the only reasons I’m about to marry this man in October. Why am I going to if this is what I hate about him?

1. He is obese and has a terrible relationship with food. He doesn’t see it & doesn’t try to work on it.

2. Sex life is AWFUL, he usually fake orgasms and always denies it. He’s got a micropenis. I usually cry after sex because I’m not attracted to him & never in the mood for sex but he won’t stop touching me so I let him have sex with me & then he fakes his orgasm. How does that make any sense.

3. He’s a terrible parent. Spanks her often over little things and she’s only 2. Yesterday he spanked her because she pooped on the floor and told her that she was going to have to wear diapers again like a baby.

4. He can’t hold down a stable job.

5. Very disrespectful and rude to me, that’s what primarily made me fall out of love. The constant negativity and tearing me down, no sorrys. I cry alone all the time.

6. He is never wrong. He’s right about everything.

7. Ive caught him messaging girls quite a few times. Also terrible porn addiction he won’t acknowledge.

8. He lies constantly. I can’t trust anything that comes out of his mouth. He gets very angry that I can’t trust him. Again, he will not acknowledge a lying problem.

9. he has a weed addiction and gets weed before paying bills. We’re two months late on car payment because he had to have weed.

10. I’ll just stop here, his hygiene is terrible. He doesn’t flush his poop, pees everywhere doesn’t clean it up. There will be a full roll of toilet paper and he will use a shirt or rag to wipe his ass and leaves it on the sink. For me to find and clean.

I’m miserable. Why am I going through all the motions? It’s like I’m spiraling down & would rather end my life before I break it off. I’m so miserable and have no one I can open up to.

***After another terrible night, I’ve left and staying at his moms until I can get my shit together. I’m so scared, but you all are right, I have to do this for my daughter if I can’t do it for myself.