Would you be hurt?

Question

I’m a senior in college, I get straight As, I go to work, etc. and I just applied for a graduate program. I am responsible. Yet my parents do not like my boyfriend of 6 years (they have a good reason but I have still chosen to stay with him) and my parents are constantly saying things like they feel like they have failed as a parent because I stay with him. It really hurts my feelings and I’m tired of them saying it. Would this hurt your feelings?

Answer

If your parents have a valid reason to not like your BF then you can’t be upset that they don’t like him. You may have forgiven him l, but they don’t she to just because you have. Maybe they are just upset that they feel like they raised you to not accept anything less than what you’re worth.

Answer

You saying they have a valid reason let’s me know that he had to do something bad enough that they will never accept him.

Answer

Depends on the reason why they don’t like him... if he was a nice guy, I’d be hurt. But if he was a jerk and gave them a serious reason to not like him, you can’t blame them. I can’t speak specifics because I don’t know what he did to you.

Answer

What is the “valid reason”?

Answer

Your grades have nothing to do with your boyfriend. You said they have a valid reason, then they must have a valid reason. You can’t fault them for that.

Answer

No, you said yourself they have good reason not to like him.

Answer

I say no because I’m a very similar situation. I’ve known him 9 years, dating for 2. With reason, my parents disprove. I have a 4.0 and am looking to law school after graduation (early as I’m graduating in 2 calendar years). 
The thing is, they’ve never been there for me. They’ve really only ever put me down and I’ve learned how amazing I am away from them (Uni is halfway across the country and 2 planes away from either of them). My stepmom is a fucking cunt. My mom has good intentions but has a clear idea of what she wants my life to be hag is very opposite from the path I’m on and my dad is easy going but doesn’t approve. 
I’ve decided to me first. It used to hurt but you’ve gotta learn at some point that you can only forgive them if you don’t want to hold that anger.

Answer

What did he do 👀

Answer

Maybe they see him differently than you do maybe you’re blind to something. That’s how my mom was with my toxic ex. But if he was a generally nice guy then they have no say and you’re an adult .

Answer

It would hurt my feelings. But, depending on their reasoning, it may be a valid way of them feeling as if they’ve “failed” by not showing you how you need to be loved. The way they say it may sound different and that’s where communication should come in. They may feel this way for specific reasons. I’d sit down and have a gentle talk with them (just you and them, maybe one at a time.) I would let them know what you expect from this talk and that you’d like them to stay calm and just express what they’re feeling. (As you should too). Try to communicate your feelings but also hear them out. Consider if it’s reasonable and if you’d feel that way with the given instance it were your daughter being (I.e) “treated this way.” Without throwing in “but I do this and this”. Because if that’s not their concern, you’ll be invalidating their feelings. That’s the best way to clear the air. If you guys disagree, then that is how it is and time will take its course.

Would you be hurt?

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