He cheated & got her pregnant

So. Where do I even start. My “fiancé” and I were together for 5 &1/2 years. The last three months (prior to Oct 2,2020) our relationship was on the rocks big time. No communication, taking our frustration out on each other. We have two kids. 4 & 18months. He went on tinder and sought attention from someone else, spoke to her daily for a few weeks, took our family van to meet her a few times. Then, he said he was going to watch a football game with coworkers. Need I explain? They fucked, the condom broke and he got her pregnant. 2 weeks exactly, I find her on his Instagram. Asked him about her, he says “she’s just some Instagram girl” my gut said otherwise. I messaged her and said “this man is taken how do you know him” and she told me. After that, two weeks later, I moved out of state with my kids to my dads to leave the toxic environment. She got an abortion 11/04. 1 day before my daughter’s 4th birthday. While my kids and I are gone, he’s messaging his ex photos of his dick, talking sexually all while claiming he’s changed and will become the man I deserve. What fucking bullshit. My kids miss their dad. He wants to move here to support us and help repair what he destroyed. Swears If i ever give him another chance he’ll never take me for granted again.

How stupid would I be to believe him & Try to have faith in what once was, have faith that people can change after completing destroying someone’s heart in addition to his family?

I’m filled with so much anger. So much disbelief. Wondering why I wasn’t good enough for him to keep his hard dick to himself.

I truly feel like I could never forgive him, but I still kind of love him (some fucking how), I know I could never trust him unless he went above and beyond to prove he’s not a pig anymore. So what the fuck do I do? It’s so hard not to pick up my phone and unleash all my feelings on him. I’m broken, my floors red, and I can’t see the light at the end of this tunnel. I feel so worthless. I’m trying to be a strong, resilient women for my kids but it’s just not me.

Has anyone been through something similar?