Going through a tough time

My husband and I have been married for 13 years. We have a 15 month old son together. For the past few months I have been feeling incredibly unhappy in our marriage.

It seems like people on Glow love recommending couple’s therapy so I will start of by saying that is not an option for us. We live in an incredibly isolated part of the world where couples therapy is not available. Even if it were, he wouldn’t be open to going. So please refrain from suggesting that as an option if you read this.

As I was saying. I fell in love with my husband years ago because he was incredibly thoughtful and compassionate. Even when we’d argue, he’d argue with the intent to work through the argument. We’ve always been pretty opposite of each other and made it work in our favor. We kind of silently compromise and meet somewhere in the middle or he has been more flexible and comes around to my side. Our relationship has been relatively easy.

A few years ago we moved from the states to where we now live for my husband’s work. I won’t say where, except for the fact that it is very much isolated and very expensive to travel to/from. My husband’s work schedule is very demanding. He often times is gone for 12 hours a day. I’ve chose to be a SAHM. I do all of the cooking, cleaning and I am the primary caregiver to our son, even when my husband is home.

Now to my issue. I feel like work burns my husband out so much that he doesn’t see me when he comes home. He gives 100% at work and comes home with nothing to give. I don’t feel special or cared about. I feel like we are just roommates who happen to be parenting a child together. Because of covid it’s not like we can really go out and reconnect alone together. Sometimes when I talk about things I feel like he listens just to tell me that I’m wrong. He’s almost never on my side and invalidates my feelings frequently. When we argue about things now there is almost no compromise. It seems like he has morphed into this person that is completely unwilling to change and is more concerned with being right that being fair.

He is also drinking more (not getting drunk but needing 2-3 drinks a day to “take the edge off”) which I absolutely hate and have been vocal about but he has basically said “deal with it”.

Everything I’ve said in this post, I’ve vocalized to him and it just seems like he doesn’t care because he just keeps doing the same thing.

For me marriage is about compromise, flexibility and growth. I feel like I’ve done my part in vocalizing my unhappiness but he is unresponsive/unwilling to make an effort. I just don’t know where to go from here.