hi everyone, i don’t even know where to start here, been constant reading through posts about this sort of thing but i feel not a single persons story or situation is the same so would just like to know if anyone could give me some advice after hearing mine, ofcourse i understand this all has to be my own decision but i just want to be able to talk about it if i’m honest.

i live in the uk, i’m 19 years old, my boyfriend is 20 and we’ve been in a relationship for 5 months, although it’s been a short amount of time things have progressed a lot quicker for us than most couples, he’s moved in with me at my mums house. we are so happy together and things honestly couldn’t be better in our relationship, we are lucky to have a mature relationship where we talk things through etc. none of that petty stuff that can occur with people our age.

i found out that i was pregnant on the 22nd december, estimated due date on september 2nd, it has all been so overwhelming, abortion is not something that even came into my mind for a single second when i found out, and the same for my boyfriend, but very quickly he started thinking practically and over the past week or so we made the decision that we are not ready to be parents or support this baby. i have just started my first job as an apprentice and we are both on very low wages, we can barely support ourselves, there is no way we could ever afford to move out right now and there is also no way we could bring up a baby here, even for a little while, we live in a tiny bungalow that barely has enough space for us to live, never mind a baby, i’m not exaggerating when i say the entire house is probably the size of an average living room. there is mould constantly growing all over the place and damp that drips on our heads every night. i am aware through a friend who is my age who has recently had a baby that there is a lot of support that could be put in place for us through the government with housing and benefits etc but my boyfriend just doesn’t think we are ready full stop.

abortion never even came into my mind at the start but the more he’s spoken about it the more it has swayed me and i have a phone consultation booked in for friday 8th january to get the pills sent to me (completely legal in the uk at the moment through bpas) i feel so stuck, one second i feel it’s the right choice but the next second the thought of taking those pills and having this baby leave my body forever makes me feel so upset. i cannot imagine myself being a mother but i cannot imagine myself living my life without regret if i decide to have an abortion. the night i found out i emailed the hospital to get a midwife appointment and she called yesterday and introduced herself and it absolutely killed me to tell her that i no longer needed her help. it kills me to know that she would have been the one to guide me through my pregnancy until this baby arrives, i want to talk to my boyfriend about maybe not wanting an abortion but i worry that in a couple days time i’ll change my mind all over again as i have already done several times. i’m not even sure what i’m getting at here.

i know they say you’ll never truly feel ready but i’m just not sure what decision is right here. if i take those pills while i am still not sure about this decision i know that would be very bad.