I hate being fat

Being fat ruins my day. Buying clothes turns me into a nervous wreck because nothing fits right. I don’t know where to start when it comes to losing weight. I had a baby 7 months ago and still have 30lbs of baby weight which puts me 60lbs away from my goal weight of 190. I’ve been fat since my childhood and used to eat to feel better. Now I eat only once a day and still can’t lose weight. I want to join a gym but being in public makes me insecure and nervous so how the hell am I supposed to lose weight?! Can I get some tips? At home workouts to follow?