Have you “grieved” being unable to conceived?

Question

My husband and I were diagnosed with unexplained fertility, so while I am “hopeful” that it will happen some day, i cant help but feeling like I have grieved a loss. But that feels so insensitive to feel that way too; to grieve the loss of a baby we have never had when other people have lost babies.
Im not sure how else to explain it. And even when other people have babies, i am happy for them, genuinely, but i am saddened because of my situation. And friends tell me that is jealousy but i dont think so. Jealousy tends to be a negative emotion and i dont feel negative, just secretly conflicted I guess? Because i am GENUINELY happy for these people.
Has anyone else felt like I do? I think i am just looking to confirm that what I am feeling is normal because i feel horrible for feeling this way.

Answer

I’ve talked about this with my therapist before and the way she had helped me articulate it was grieving the life I thought I would live. I thought I’d get pregnant the first month we tried (😂), I thought we’d be planning our second child by now, I thought I would be able to get pregnant naturally with no intervention, etc. 
And your feelings are completely valid. This is hard. This is a loss

Answer

I feel like you feel, I' m genuinely happy for people that are expecting but I'm sad too because I'm not expecting and I want this so bad! I think it's totally normal and yes, it's a grieving for you. I don't think it is disrispectful to couples who had a loss, yours is a different kind of loss and a different grief. Hoping the best for you!

Answer

Your feelings are completely normal and valid. There are some therapists that specialize in infertility. It may help to see one, either alone or with your husband (he probably needs it more than he'll admit).

Answer

Yes, this is so, so common in the infertility community. I suggest therapy, because it can turn very negative, very quickly. About two years into our struggle, I was in a much darker place than where I started. It’s hard to watch others live the life you saw for your family, and to feel like your body is failing you. Here if you ever need it 💜

Have you “grieved” being unable to conceived?

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