That was some FUCK SHIT

I’m letting out some anger I’ve held in for months here.

I mentioned it in a previous post. I cannot believe the shit I put up with, held in.

My grandmother withered away infront of me for months and then died in my hands the day before my birthday.

All I asked was that my SO just be there. He did not have to do anything special, just be there for me. I begged him. The day after she died was also my birthday and i wanted him there for that too.

He told me “I’ve been sitting here for days waiting for your grandma to finally just die and I already made plans so If I cancel them now I’m going to look flakey.”

I’m standing there crying and asked “they won’t understand that your girlfriend just lost a loved one a day before her birthday and needs you to be there for her.”

“No, and even if they did I don’t care. I don’t want to look flakey.”

I don’t even have anything to say about that. He fucked up there. Bad. Bad enough that it turned me off of him. I knew I was done right there. He had to go, this isn’t how I want to spend my life this isn’t how I want to be treated. But it was a 7 year long relationship, I felt like my brain had just be ran over by a truck after my grandma died I didn’t have the mental strength to act on that on that moment.

My brother and his best friend ended up showing up, found out what my so did and stayed with me all night.

But I couldn’t like, cry in anyone’s arms that’s weird. I just wanted to cry in my SOs arms really good and get that shit out but he wasn’t there for me so I cried on my couch alone.

Fuck all of that and it’s chicken strips.

This man put his friends before me, made it extremely clear to me that his friends and his reputation and the way other people saw him was way more important than me even in my time of need. BUT, when I made new friends he accused me of cheating on him with them. I was on the phone with one of my girl-friends and we were talking about our favorite parts about ourselves and my friend said that I had pretty eyes, all of that was on speaker. so my SO flipped out, accused me of cheating on him with her and HID my Xbox from me like I was a child.

He HID IT. Wtf???

So I kicked him out, and he’s living with his friends now. Since they’re so important, he can bum off of them.

Let’s not mention that I took care of this man. For 2 years I financially supported us both, busted my ass to keep the lights on while he bought shit he didn’t need instead of helping me with bills and when I told him I wasn’t putting up with that anymore he lost his damn mind. When he DID finally get a fucking job I was still left paying 100% of the bills while he bought shit he didn’t need like $100 goku figurines.

He gaslighted the fuck out of me constantly.

I have never been happier to be rid of someone. I spent all of my time being perfect, trying to make someone who will never be happy, happy.

I cleaned the house, did his laundry, his work clothes were clean out and ready for him every single day.

I cooked him dinner. I bought him shit he liked.

I did EVERYTHING and more for this man.. just to find a condom in one of his drawers when I kicked his ass out.

The last time I used a condom with him was 6 years ago. I have the IUD, I get checked every year and was committed and loyal so there was no reason to use any but I found one so I mean.

Lol.

He also called me a drug addict, I have severe depression and anxiety and PTSD so I am prescribed Zoloft and Xanax because I have severe panic attacks but according to him I just don’t have control over myself and the fact that I take Xanax makes me a drug addict even though it’s prescribed and heavily monitored by a doctor.

He called me stupid for being depressed and told me to get the fuck over it.

Before I got health insurance and got therapy and medication my mental health was horrific and there was one night I had a full on mental break down, that’s embarrassing to admit but it was a BAD time for my brain and I can’t help that. He threatened to leave me when I told him I needed to be checked into a mental health facility. I don’t know how I lived through that, I am just glad I have help now with my mental health.

The longer he is gone, the more I come out of that stupidity haze. When I love someone, I love hard and blindly. I waste 7 years of my life on them. I spend 100% of my time trying to make them happy. That’s my toxic ass trait and I’m working on that.

I would correct his ass all the time. Like you can’t isolate me and then accuse me of cheating when I have a friend, you can’t invalidate my depression, you can’t hide things from me as a “punishment.” Like that’s not how relationships work. You can’t abandon me in a time of need. And he would gaslight the fuck out of me when I called him out on this stuff and make me feel crazy like I seriously think the fucker brain washed me.

He really did set me up for being single because I fully Learned how to be there for my damn self while in a relationship with him, I learned how to be alone.

And I am DAMN glad I was smart and put myself on the IUD so I didn’t have a baby with this asshole.

I haven’t talked to him since he left, and I feel so free and I can’t even explain how much better I feel. There’s this huge weight lifted off of me.

I’m tired of typing. Might add some more fuck shit to this later if I randomly remember another fucked up thing he did that my newly “free of him” brain realizes was fucked up

Oh. Lmfao. I found out he was doing molly, acid, and other drugs with his friends when he would go out. When I found out about it I called him out in it and he lost his mind but i was already dumping him so I didn’t put a lot of energy into being mad about it.

Whoever that random condom was for, good luck to you.

Oh, to add.

I’m sorry but I needed an outlet for this and it feels great to type it all out.

Here’s another damn thing. He had nothing to do with my family, never came to family holidays and made ZERO effort to get to know any of them yet expected me to come to his.

Like imagine if I had kids with him and took them to our family Christmas and my family was like “where’s their dad.” Like thats fucking embarrassing, it was embarrassing enough as is i swear to god I am so relieved right now.

Yes like I’m sad it sucks that I just wasted 7 years and obviously I loved him but holy shit I can do better and deserve better