I wanted to breast feed my daughter.. 😞

My daughter was born a day before her due date, very quickly ... I was still on the fence about breast feeding vs bottle feeding.. but I ended up not having a choice . Or at least felt like I didn’t .

I went into L&D November 29th for decreased movement, she was measuring small, and her heart rate was dropping, they tried to induce me, but it failed.. but daughters heart rate was dropping , so early morning on the 30th we went in for an emergency c-section . I was terrified .

My daughter came out with her umbilical cord wrapped around her neck three times, and about blue. 5lbs 13oz . I remember all the doctors and nurses counting together as they unraveled her cord from her neck. She also had managed to tie a knot in it .

Anywho, they prepared to give her oxygen but she didn’t need it, you can hear the nurse in a video my boyfriend took, “you’re very lucky she’s alive, and came in when you guys did.. we thought she was going to be smaller.”

They took my boyfriend and my daughter into the nursery and instantly had him feed her a bottle .. her sugar levels were so low... they kept poking her in the foot to check it, and we couldn’t leave the hospital until they were normal .. so i kept her on the formula, I figured it was our best bet.. finally 4 days later she was cleared , and we could be discharged.

The lactation consultant told me I probably wouldn’t produce much milk anyways. (My biggest insecurity; I have one boob slightly smaller than the other - she told me this was because I had dead tissue in it.)

I tried to pump while I was in the hospital , I hand expressed and pumped when I got home.. nothing but a couple drops each time .. which I would give to her anyways even though it wasn’t much.. I actually got to breast feed my daughter at home 3 -4 times , where she actually latched . But it wasn’t enough .. one time specially I remember hearing her gulp almost as she was swallowing.. it was just the sound of accomplishment to me .. it never happened again, and she’s started to refuse my boobs now. 😭

Now here we are 7 weeks old , and my left breast nothing comes out anymore and my right one , maybe a drop or two... is there anyway I can fix this and try to up my supply? I’m a FTM and I’ve never done this, nor do I know anyone who has.. I’m so disappointed in myself. 😞