I think I hate my husband.

Let me just start by saying, I’m a young mom. I met my husband at a really immature part of my life in the midst of my partying phase, but once I got pregnant and my life hit me like a brick, I grew up quickly. Him– not so much. He’s put me through so much stuff and I still stayed because I’m pretty sure I’m codependent. I spent so much time trying to make him change and sometimes I think maybe something is finally happening and then he just ends up going back to the same stuff. He cheated on me several times in our first year, cheated on me when I was pregnant, and then finally I had enough and left but then ended up taking him back. He hasn’t cheated on me since then, but he’s untreated bipolar so he flips moods like a switch. (My mom is the same way so like mommy issues much?) He literally blows up over stupid things and nothing I ever do is good enough. The other day he told me he hoped I die in a car accident and repeatedly called me a stupid b*tch for not fulfilling his needs.

I do EVERYTHING for our child. She’s one and sleeps in bed with me while he sleeps in the living room. He never took care of her in the beginning and she’s just now getting comfortable with him, but she doesn’t want to cuddle with him or be around him much, she’s attached to me and my mom, who helps more than he does.

I’m in a stuck place because I don’t want to give up but I also don’t want to mess up my child’s childhood. He gets mad at our child who is one and screams at me in front of her. I’m stuck and I have no one to talk to about it.