Curiosity killed the cat?

Question

I’ve been with my partner for 4 years. I finally moved in over a year ago. He had mentioned his last sex act was a blowjob a few years ago prior to me. When I asked who “she” was he said why? Why did it matter? It is in the past etc. But I can’t seem to understand why he can’t just tell me who this girl was? And I know theirs women out there who freely do this but I’m curious how this girl got in his car & did this w/o him having an interest in her? Would any of you still be curious?

Accepted Answer

No. It doesn’t matter

Answer

My partner has been with a lot of women, he was an athlete in high school and college, So it’s understandable. I don’t ask him to name me people, I don’t ask him to anything in detail, he knows I have an interesting past as well, he knows most of my past, I was a stripper, I was a dominatrix, I’ve basically done it all. Public sex you name it. Not much shocks me. We did say a ballpark number one day, but it didn’t shock me what his was, I said mines probably close to that too. When it comes to oral sex in hand jobs etc. My question was as long as you were safe and you don’t have any diseases or infections, that’s my only concern. He told me his number probably was closer to 50 And he had lost count. I said that’s OK and we left it at that. When my ex had slept with over 250 women in the five years that we were together he cheated on me the entire time, the number of 15 does not shock me especially since he’s 16 years older than me. I’m 42. I’ve known him 20 years. He knows my number of actual intercourse partners at seven, he knows about a few of my exes, the more recent ones anyway, he knows I was sexually abused as a child, he knows all of my past and I tell people openly because they need to know where I’m coming from. I’m as open as it gets. I’m not ashamed of my past, I am not proud of it, That it’s a part of me and it’s a part of the reason why I did things, why I had a very destructive childhood, why was an alcoholic by the age of 12, why I was a cutter, why I had every eating disorder, why I had so many other things that I went through. From miscarriages to my father dying when I was four to you name￼. He’s the best lover I’ve ever had, he is the most attentive and understanding, and amazing communicator, he can tell from my breathing or even from a text message if something is up. He knows immediately and it’s amazing how attentive and how much he notices the littlest things. And we never fight and argue, and any kind of problem that arises it gets resolved immediately. I’m not really a jealous or insecure person, he loves my confidence. And we are just have the most amazing chemistry inside and outside of the bedroom. I’ve asked him random questions in the past, like what does it feel like to be inside of a woman does it feel any different with me, he said no woman has ever asked him that. I’m sad I’m sure I’m going to ask a lot of weird questions you’ve never gotten before. But honestly if it was me in your position. I would honestly just let it go, you’re never gonna hear what you wanna hear, it’s like asking do I look fat, he’s never going to tell you yes you do because he would hurt your feelings, he’s never going to be 100% honest Because no matter what he says it’s gonna hurt her feelings. It’s kind of a catch 22. He probably doesn’t want to reveal his past, perhaps you know her, he doesn’t want things to get awkward, especially if it’s someone you know. He just wants to avoid the fights and arguments and I can’t blame a guy. Why complicate things, why poke the bear. Honestly I would just let the conversation though. I was going to do is just make you think and overthink things and make you wonder what she better than me or was she better looking than me or anything else you could possibly fathom. Just let it go.

Answer

I don’t want to know anyone my husband slept with before me. I only know of one cause they have a kid together and I don’t even wanna know about that one 😂😂😂

Answer

No.  It has no matter or meaning.  Everyone has a past.

Answer

I’d just want to make sure I didn’t know her. If I did know them I’d want my SO to tell me, just so we’re on the same page and there are no secrets. That’s not something I’d want to find out later on or from someone else. I’d give him the same courtesy. But if I don’t know her/of her, then I don’t think there’s any benefit to him saying who she was as it really isn’t relevant.

Answer

If it was prior to me, then I don't care, as long as he's clean. When my husband and I first got together, we just said how many we had been with prior, not who or what acts.

Answer

In my honest opinion. I would probably ask and if I got the same response you did I would probably just brush it off as if the person didn't mean much to them, people have casual sex now for the hell of it and people are dating backwards. 
I definitely wouldn't keep prying tho, 1. Because I honestly wouldn't wanna know who it was because what if I thought that person was prettier than me etc... I just now caused insecurities in my relationship that weren't there to begin with. 2. You've been together for 4 years now, and I doubt he's still interested so why does it honestly matter?

Answer

The past doesn’t matter however at the same time my husband had slept with two girls prior to me both were in the friend group- knowing that has changed me wanting to be close with that particular couple especially since she tried to sleep with him while she is in committed relationship with his friend. I don’t approve of her trying to do that- and there fore it does impact our friendship since I know that. Just be careful what you wish for. Will knowing really make your relationship better?

Answer

Years prior to you has nothing to do with you. Literally, years

Curiosity killed the cat?

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