I’m really struggling right now and would love to hear if anyone is going through a similar thing.

I’m currently studying in another country from my boyfriend of over 4 years and was living abroad since September. I flew to him mid December to spend the holidays together and now I’ll be staying with him for a while since my school closed and went online only and all students were told to stay where they are.

Here’s my issue - our sex life has been all out of whack since I came back. Since I arrived, we’ve only had sex about five or six times. It’s been really frustrating to me because I have a high sex drive and up until recently, so did he. I get shot down when I try to initiate anything or he says that he’d like a handjob and/or could touch me but doesn’t feel like sex. And when we actually do have sex I feel guilty in a way because I know and can feel that he’s just not as interested as I am. It’s clear that we do it just because he knows I like it.

When I brought up my feelings with him last week, he said that his feelings of sexual desireEs have been dulled since we spend all our time together now (my classes and his work are all online). He thinks that he doesn’t really have much sexual desire since he doesn’t have time to miss me like he would if we were both doing our own thing during the day and meeting again in the evening. He would pretty much always rather just get a handjob than have sex with me.

I get that he was just being honest but I feel quite hurt and unwanted. My desire hasn’t changed at all and I want him just as much as ever. I really want him but lately I haven’t been acting on it at all since I don’t want him to do anything that he doesn’t want to or feel pressured. I just want him to want me again. I don’t know what to do.

And I’m scared of what might happen to our relationship because of this. I don’t know how long the lockdowns will last and I’m terrified that he’ll just want me less and less and eventually just see me as a roommate.

Does anyone relate with what I’m going through? I would appreciate hearing about your experience or any advice that you might have.