Dear W

It’s been a hot minute since I’ve expressed my feelings to you, on what’s eating me inside but I can’t bring myself to tell you, but I write this at 5 am while your sound asleep at home

We met in the start of covid through one of those friend apps, I had no intention of catching feelings for you, you were cocky and confident and charming, three things I am not, you thought sending me pics of your abs was going to catch my attention like you did with every other girl you texted, just bothered me really, which I guess caught you off guard cause I didn’t care for your body, so you talked to me more and you caught feelings before I ever did, you insisted on coming to see me, we lived in different cities but finally I agreed and you drove to me

We spent 9 hours together that day and by the time you left you texted me saying you wanted to date me, caught me off guard but I told you we will see, every weekend after that you came to me and slept at my house, I fell hard for you

But at the same time I was very self conscious, you were tall handsome, all muscles and some tattoos, i am a skinny chunky, and decently pretty, even tho you told me how beautiful I was

You told me you didn’t want a skinny girl you loved my size, you loved everything about me

Time passed by and we had our fights and hard times but I thought we were fine, you promised to never hurt me, you held me one night and told me it was scary to think how important I was to you so soon, and you’d never drive all that way for another girl, a week or two later suddenly you ended things with me, you said you couldn’t do the distance anymore but you wanted to be friends

I didn’t want to lose you so I agreed, a week went by and you were on your way to my city for a new girl already, it broke me, I told you I couldn’t be your friend cause you lied you broke my heart especially when he sent me a photo of her

She was everything I wasn’t, I told you to never text me again, dont comeback when you realized

You were rude so I deleted you

September rolls around and I get a text from you, telling me you can’t stop thinking about me, no matter what you did, you’d drink yourself till you puked just to get it to stop

Your friends texted me to, cause I didn’t wanna speak to you, I finally caved and texted back, after a bit of convincing I let you back in my life, took a bit for me to trust you again but here we are again

You tell me how much I mean to you and your coming down for my birthday, but I can’t stop thinking about it all

You told me you were just scared cause you didn’t have anything like we had before that’s why you left

You broke me when you left and you didn’t care at all and now your back and you want me again and my heart is attached to you so I won’t let you go right now

My dear W, how you break me and build me up again

My heart aches at the thought of you being near and the thought of you leaving again