2020 and 2021 has been hard for me and my mental health with all the COVID and race wars going on .... I’ve always wanted a baby but when I was young I went through a traumatic experience and the doctors where sure I wasn’t gonna be able to have a baby anytime in my life but now I’m 11 weeks and 4 days pregnant with my first baby he/she is really healthy and doing good ... but today I woke up crying feeling really scared and sad and sick ... I’m scared because the baby daddy of the baby in me is my ex and he has been threatening me and my baby and wishing death upon us ... I’m not a bad person but with my trauma I’ve always put myself in relationship with not good people and that’s one thing making me scared but today another thing came to my mind ... I had a dream last night and it felt so real ... in the dream I was pregnant with a baby boy with beautiful brown skin and he grew hair nice curly and silky but he grew up isolated and scared so he never wanted to go to school or make friends so I homeschooled him and I wasn’t a bad mom but because he was born during the race wars and color meant if you could live or die and he just grew up in such a bad time where people of color where judged by their skin and where hurt by the ones who where supposed to protect us like police and army officers and I woke up so scared and sad because i just kept thinking about how it’s already happening where people who need help are being killed by officers or theirs lots of race riots going on and just knowing that those could possibly lead to race wars scared me... am I alone in this feeling?