I left my husband of 2 years back in May of 2020. It was by far one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Like most relationships, it started out so beautiful and i fell so deeply in love with him. We got married and moved to Puerto Rico to live out a 3 year honeymoon while he served there in the military. Well. After a little over a year, his mom died in a really tragic accident. After this, he changed... as any person who loves their parents would. I tried to be patient and be there for him and with him through it all, but then he started calling me names and saying things to me that nobody should ever have to go through. Then came the physical aggression. When verbal frustration wasn’t enough for him to take out on me, he started pushing me around a little when he would drink. A few times, this resulted in some pretty big falls (one down the stairs, and another onto the ground in a cobblestone alley that left some massive bruising). Through all of this, i still stayed. I knew he was going through so much and my love for him was so deep that i wanted nothing more than to help him through it. Then came the control issues. He would go out and stay at another woman’s house, but wouldn’t let me leave the house at all. For anything. When i would try, he disconnected my car battery or tried to let air out of my tires so i physically couldn’t. So i stayed home. I would call my friends to get some support, but then he didn’t like that either. One night i was on the phone with a girl friend from high school and he shut off my cellphone service and called me a cunt. Still, i stayed.. until one day in May, i came home from the grocery store and brought him lunch and he got mad at me for spending money from my paycheck on things we needed... he proceeded to kick the food i brought across the room and left to go to that other woman’s house. I decided it would be better to go hike a waterfall than to stay home alone and cry until he came back.

I went to the waterfall, camped, and then bought a one way ticket home to my parents. When i was getting ready to leave he came crawling back and begged me to only be gone for a month so he could get himself some help. I agreed and only packed one bag with intentions to come back, but once i was gone, he realized he didn’t want me back. He said he was happier without me. This hurt even more. I begged for him to give us a chance, but he never did. We kept talking for a little while, just casually as friends more than anything, until i got a really good job. Once I was employed and able to get on my feet and get my own apartment, he wanted nothing to do with me. I guess it was that last bit of control he wanted, even when we weren’t together.

Shortly after, he sent me *fake* divorce papers. I had my attorney friend look them over and he said that my ex would have me committing perjury if i signed them. In addition, the paperwork he had sent, he had signed my name saying that i wanted him to keep all of my belongings that were still over seas. I hired my attorney friend to represent me, and now my ex is fighting every tiny little step of the process. I thought this whole time that he just wanted a divorce. I finally decided to give that to him, seeing how toxic our relationship had become, only to realize it wasn’t a divorce he actually wanted that whole time. It was control.

Nobody ever talks about the difficulties in these relationships because you simply don’t understand unless you have been there too. In abusive relationships and divorces, it’s the victim that was full of love and empathy. All i wanted was love in return, but he refused to give that. Even now, i find myself missing the relationship we had before all the garbage. I miss being married to him every day. Did i make the right decision? Absolutely. With no doubt. However, that doesn’t make it suck any less.