I need to vent

so, in May of 2019, I got pregnant for the 4th time, and didn’t lose it. It took us 2 years to get pregnant with lots of medication and lots of help from doctors.

My pregnancy was extremely difficult, I have an incompetent cervix, I had severe gestational diabetes, I had severe preeclampsia that I almost died from. I was hospitalized three separate times for preterm labor due to my cervix, and my son was born with a bilateral cleft lip and palate.

I was sick my entire pregnancy, I had an open cervix from 16 weeks on (anywhere from 2.5 cm to 4.5. I sat at 4.5 for over a month and a half before finally being induced.) but because I was so far along they couldn’t give me a cerclage because Braxton Hicks would potentially rip apart my cervix/when I went into actual labor it would 100% because of the contractions.

After pregnancy, in June of last year I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. I had the flu in March of 2019, and I had a 3-4 day fever of 103.4+ that put me in the hopsital. The doctors think that that, coupled with my terrible pregnancy essentially killed off my pancreas. (As you can get type 1 from viral infections. It’s not always hereditary. Nor is it only diagnosed as a child.)

When we started trying for our second child, we understood that me having an incompetent cervix was never going to change, that the diabetes would make things complicated like last time, and that I had an extremely high chance of having once again preeclampsia. We started fertility treatments after I was diagnosed with PCOS and had absolutely no ovulation for over six months. I found out on Saturday that I am currently pregnant!

We have only told a few friends, and some of them have come back with comments like “oh don’t worry I’m sure this will will be way better than the last one” “every pregnancy is different you may not have any of those problems!” “I’m sure you’ll have an easier pregnancy.”

It’s really irritating, I feel like they are brushing off what happened last time, trying to dismiss The way that I feel. I get it if you haven’t been in this position you might not know what to say, but an incompetent cervix and diabetes those things don’t go away, they don’t change from pregnancy to pregnancy, except for getting worse. Especially your cervix as it gets weaker and weaker. (This is our final baby). The only thing that I may or may not get this time besides PUPPS, is preeclampsia. And the chance of that is so small, that my doctor is not confident I will not get it again. She thinks that I will have high blood pressure and I will have preeclampsia. We have already started monitoring and extra appts for all of these things.

Now, I’ve not come to them and told them that I’m pregnant and then been like oh feel bad for me they just all asked me the same question. “Are you afraid of what happened last time” To which I replied with “ not more so afraid but more so prepared. We can start monitoring right away, we know what to look for, and I know how it feels, so in a way I feel like I have a Headstart”

All of their responses were the same.

I didn’t say anything after, but I just was like okay. It’s just frustrating.

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

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COMMENT (3)

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I have the opposite problem and I really couldn’t tell you which is worse but it does suck. The couple people I’ve told think I need an immediate abortion to protect my life for the sake of my other children. I’m working with an mfm, ob, and midwife team this time so they won’t let things reach the stage it did last time. Every time I try to tell people that though, they just shake their head and tell me it’s stupid to risk it. Sometimes people just need to say congratulations and leave it at that

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🌹 • Feb 15, 2021
Right? I lived through it, I know the risks, I remember the fear I felt like it was yesterday, I don’t need their opinions on it

Je

Jess • Feb 15, 2021
YESS! I’m SO tired of it. Like honestly just so over it. It makes me not want to be excited or tell others. I’m already dreading this entire thing and I’m trying not to think about it