This is going to be long, but I’ll keep it as short as possible

I’ve been married for a few years. I love my husband more than I’ve ever loved anyone. He’s wonderful.

He got back from a deployment to Iraq about a year ago. He is not military, but does work for the government. A lot happened during that deployment and it really triggered some PTSD and anxiety. He’s never dealt with anxiety before so we’ve been working on getting him help and medicines balanced since he returned.

We’ve been trying to get pregnant since before we got married. We’ve had 2 losses and 3 chemical pregnancies for a total of 5. Before his last deployment, we got pregnant and I miscarried while he was gone. He’s kind of old fashioned and didn’t want any extreme medical intervention to get pregnant, but he promised me that we would try for 3 more cycles naturally when he got home and then we would pursue <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>. I wanted to do <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> straight away, but I agreed this was something I could live with. He swore to me we’d be pregnant before he left again.

That didn’t happen because of the anxiety stuff. His mental health is important so I let that go. We just tried with clomid and timed intercourse. Well we finally decided to move on to <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> and we planned to start this month. However, we got the call that he needed to deploy again, and he leaves in a few weeks for 9 months. I wanted to freeze his sample and pursue <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> while he was away, but he is against it saying if we have to resort to <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> then he wants to at least be there for the transfer. That’s totally fair to feel that way. However, I was clear in that I’d rather go ahead and do it in the middle of his deployment as to be able to conceive this year. He shut that down real fast.

He then confided in me that he was ready, but now isn’t ready because he wants to get his anxiety managed better. I do understand that. However, I’ve put all of my dreams of being a mother on hold for years now because of his job and his anxiety. I’ve been understanding. I’ve been able to bend because that’s what a wife does. But I’m the only one bending here. I’ve put my body through hell since he got back with injections and medications and juggling everything trying to get us pregnant, when he was keeping the fact he didn’t even want to get pregnant from me. He let me torture myself for absolutely nothing.

His last deployment was really hard on me in the parenting regard because I felt like our entire life was on hold. I’m going to resent him if I have to go through that again. It’s selfish, and I know that it’s selfish but it is how I feel.

I was so clear before we got married that having a family was important to me, and I vocalized that if he wasn’t ready, then that was okay but i was. He told me time and time again he was.

I know things change, and I truly value his mental health. Which is why I’ve been patient for almost two years. I love him. I don’t want us to end, but I feel like at this point he’s stringing me along and he’s asking me to choose between our marriage and being a mom, and that’s isn’t negotiable. I just need an outside perspective. I’m sorry this was so long.