My baby daddy, my ex...

We live together.

He pays for everything from bills to my needs to babies needs. Im pregnant and we have a toddler.

I no longer have a car or job so i depend on him for everything.

There's been times i slept on my sisters couch but she has 5 kids and lives in a small apartment and it was no rest there and it was so stressful and it wasnt home.

I always come back home. He is bipolar and has major anger issues. He is a narcissist and he gaslights so bad...

But his good days are so fucking good. He will go a month to 2 months completely amazing. But when those bad days come its awful. I get belittled downed and cussed out.

We arent dating so i try to ignore it. But it gets to me.

Hes a great dad and hasnt ever caused a scene in front of our son, thankfully.

He tells me i need to find someone to love me like i want and to find happiness because i deserve it...but i cant be independent not until i give birth in April and heal and get a job and save money. I cant live with my baby daddy, have no job, no car, no money expect to find a love...besides i am not ready for that..somehow i still love this fool. I wish i could let go. I know living together it isnt helping but for someone who can be so mean and show that he doesnt really love me at all, he literally tells me that, like why cant i let go??

When he has his outbursts and moments...i always feel like i definitely dont love him..ill go a whole week with feeling emotionally let go and like woke...but then he starts being nice and feelings come back in.