I know that I’m hormonal, emotional, sensitive, etc. but I get bouts of loneliness and I get so sad. My husband and I were making a list of things that we wanted for when baby arrives and he nonchalantly asked “do you think they’re going to throw you a baby shower?” And I laughed “probably not.” And he gawked at me and responded “that’s sucks baby.” And it really hurt me. I know he didn’t mean to and I know that we don’t need a baby shower because we’re fine if we don’t have one.

But it doesn’t help that my friends and family have been absent during my pregnancy as well. Bless my mom, I know she’s doing her best. She texts me and calls me back whenever she remembers but I know she’s preoccupied, she’s in school and my grandfather is in hospice so I understand.

However, my friends (theres 3 of them) are absolutely absent. I get that everyone is busy, honestly. But I am sad and a little disappointed. My husband pointed out that in the last year all the large occasions that we celebrated, was because I planned them. I planned a New Years/Christmas party for 2020 last year, I planned and hosted a friend’s end of spring birthday with a seafood dinner, I planned and hosted an end of summer camping trip and I planned and hosted my best friend’s golden birthday (mind you she is born only one day before me).

I went to the emergency recently and not one of them cared to check up on me or ask if I was okay. Even after I found out that I was pregnant during Christmas I social distanced but I still mailed gifts or dropped off gifts for them and I didn’t get a thank you or anything in return. And i know it’s not about the gifts but I was pregnant and making efforts to make sure they were loved and appreciated and I can’t get half the efforts from them.

After I told them I was pregnant and the initial congratulations, all the conversations that we had were started by me asking about their last semester in school, a promotion and hectic work schedule. I get it, people are busy with their own lives but two of them still live at home, none of them have children or a husband or own their own home or have pets that they’re so busy and can’t respond to me saying “hey hope the snow freeze hasn’t affected you guys too bad, stay warm and bundle up” I’ve just been feeling so alone and even more abandoned than ever before. Alright rant over, I probably just need a little cry alone for now lol but I’m still just so sad and lonely.