So, back in December, a few days before Christmas, I had a miscarriage at 18 weeks of our daughter. While this pregnancy was very much unplanned and we thought our family was done, I felt really good with this pregnancy and was so so excited to be a mom of 4. My water broke on December 19th and I delivered her early on December 21st, and since then... I haven’t felt like myself.

This was not my first miscarriage but the furthest along (others were at 7 and 10 weeks) and I felt really attached to her, more than the others. I finally thought this one would make it.

It’s been such a hard few months. I’ve been trying to be there for my family but I’m just sad all the time. I have no energy, my eating habits are completely random and some days I just want to stay in bed and cry.

I have reached out to my family doctor about my feelings but because of Covid it’s impossible to see a therapist right now and I’m frustrated.

I’m so lucky to have such a good support system, I just wish I didn’t feel like crap all the time. It’s unfair to my young kids who are probably wondering why mommy doesn’t play with them as much or why getting out of bed is so so hard.

I’ve never dealt with PPD before - I’m guessing that’s what it is - and I’m feeling lost. I feel like my mind isn’t my own sometimes, I feel like it’s my fault for her death and I don’t know how to recover from this on my own.

I guess I just want to know that I’m not alone in this, and that these feelings will eventually go away...