Hello. It’s been 4 months since my break up and my ex reached out to me. I should mention our breakup came from lack of communication and her pulling away and not ever introducing me for 2 years and codependency issues on my part which I’ve been able to see and face now that I’ve been alone to heal.

She first said she’s in therapy and shared some of the things she’s been learning and applying. I basically said good for her and that I wished her the best in therapy. She reached out again and asked me out to grab a coffee which I accepted. A couple days later we talked again, productively and we both admitted and accepted our parts in the failure of the relationship and forgave each other for the pain caused by each other’s actions and accepted that it was what led to that ending. After that we went home and I got a text from her saying it was nice to have hung out again. The texting started back up but nothing more than your good mornings, have a great day, etc.

Fast forward a couple weeks and we’ve been texting, neither her or I have established anything about getting back together. It has crossed my mind but id like to go on some small dates first before I ever dive in again because I feel that with the healing I’ve done and am doing I’ve morphed into a better version of me that’s enjoyed me for me and my time alone accepting who I am. So if I bring anyone into my life it’s to add onto my new found happiness I’ve worked hard to build for myself and not just handed out like free candy.

I took a leap and I invited her on a date to the harbor and I said we could pop open my hatchback fill it with blankets and have a picnic in the back and she said yes and also asked if we could cuddle and I agreed. Then she threw a curveball at me and suggested that we leave the night before, spend the night there, and have the picnic the next day. My gut feeling instantly told me no so I responded to her like this “I don't think that's a good idea for us right now but I do look forward to a day out at the port and then popping the hatch for a little relaxing time and cuddle.”

I answered in a nice way to have my boundary respected and I noticed after this she pulled back and away she just said “ok sounds good” “ok perfect” and she doesn’t really text me anymore besides good morning. She is not used to me ever saying no from our past relationship, my codependency and people pleasing has been something I’ve been working hard on and I stood up for my want and need in that boundary and it seems like she didn’t take it so well. I don’t want her to think we can pick up right where we left off. I was actually going to use this date as a day to talk to her about us and dating slowly again. I wasn’t expecting that curveball though. Any suggestions or help on how to proceed? She’s pulled away and I’ve pulled away too because well I’m not changing my answer to please her. I don’t know I guess I just feel confused as to why she even reached out to me to begin with now.