this is gonna be long + advice??

hi. so i’ve known my boyfriend since i was 14 & he was 16. now i’m 18 & he’s 20, and we’ve been together for almost a year. for the past couple of weeks i’ve been having serious doubts about this relationship. i’ve lived in a abusive household pretty much my entire life. when my family and i moved states, it got worse. a lot worse. in janurary my boyfriend asked me to move in with him, and i did. in february i felt like he was cheating on me. i had no evidence at the time, so i asked him if he was. he was just distant and acting really weird. when i asked him if he was cheating on me, he called me crazy and immature and kicked me out of the bedroom. he told me to sleep in the basement. when i tried coming back to the room so we could talk, it was locked. the day after that he apologized and we patched things up, but i still felt really weird about it, especially because he was guarding his phone whenever he was around me. so when i had the opportunity to look through his phone, i did it without him knowing. i know that’s shitty, i don’t know what had gotten into me. i saw that he was telling his friends that he no longer wanted to be with me, and he was snapping a girl with a name i didn’t recognize. i was really confused and upset, especially because he told me he wanted to grow old with me and that he loved me not too long before that. i asked him about the girl and he said it was a childhood friend. i knew it was bullshit because i would’ve already known who she was. so i asked him to give me her phone number so i could talk to her or we were done for good. at first he said no. so we were arguing for about a week and a half about that. one day i just got so fed up that i left the house for a couple of hours with a friend, and he texted me with her phone number. so i texted the girl, of course i wasn’t rude or bitchy. it’s not her fault that he couldn’t be faithful. she said that they started talking off tinder and he was trying to pursue a relationship with this girl. she sent screenshots too. i felt so fucking stupid. i confronted him about this and he told me that he didn’t want me around anymore, that i should go back home. that was hurtful. i just feel like, why take me out of such a dark place in my life only to force me to go back? after that whole thing, he would go from telling me he wanted to be with me and that he loves me to telling me to go back home and never to come back. it just bothers me because i do love him a lot and i feel like we can actually fix this relationship if we both tried. i just feel disgusted with myself for even putting aside the fact that he was cheating on me. like yes it hurts that he was doing that but it hurts more that he made me feel like i was so crazy and wrong for even accusing him of those things when he was actually doing what i accused him of. as of right now we are back together but every single day that passes by i feel like i wasn’t enough. when he tells me he loves me, i think about what happened and what he said. when he leaves the house to go out with his friends, i think about what he was telling them. lately i’ve been getting so angry about it that i lash out. i just didn’t think he’d be that type of person. any advice?