Why am I afraid to leave him

Ive been with him for 8 years. We have 3 kids together. Ive been there for the hardest times of his life, i never gave up on him. I was there for every thing, when he went to jail when he had nothing. He’s not the most responsible person financially but i stayed with him. Now we got a stimulus and taxes and we were able to catch up on everything, but now he feels better than everyone, im not allowed to say anything. He says if i don’t like it he will leave. One time i agreed and told him to go aheadbans leave. He grabbed all his stuff but came knocking on my door at3 am. He feels he can do anything now but his family doesn’t have his back he can’t even stay with them for a night. He has more to lose than me. All he has is a job and a car. I just don’t have a job because he didn’t want me to work. I know once his money is gone he will be humble again, but I know I shouldn’t put up with the mental abuse and some what physical. He’s been through a lot and I try to justify him. And I don’t want him back on hard drugs, but im not happy anymore im just afraid to let him go.he’s always putting in my face that I don’t work that im a piece of $h!t that im gaining weight that i dont do anything, he excepts me to have sex with him when ever he wants even after him insulting me callin me fat ugly lazy. He met me after I finished beauty school so i always got ready until it bothered him, he would make me wipe off my make up, I always did a natural look. As soon as he felt someone look at me he would start yelling at me that I can’t dress a certain way or do my makeup so i let myself go. Now he complains that I don’t get ready but when I do most of the time we argue cuz he thinks I want attention from other men. I always took care of him but I can’t keep pretending to be happy infront of people