Anxiety/Depression

I feel like I’m at my end. I’ve struggled with Panic Disorder and Depression for as long as I can remember and hadn’t been actually diagnosed till last year. I’ve tried it all and nothing helps. There is no cure. I’m trapped and no matter what help I reach for it eventually stops working. I’m living in a constant state of panic and sadness and the ppl in my life are tired of hearing about it, I’m just getting on their nerves with it at this point Bc it’s been years. I feel like I’m in the void and that sometimes nothing is real and I can’t tell what is real or what’s irrational shit from my disorder. It’s all one blur and I don’t want to be here anymore. The hilarious part is I’m even not suicidal and I don’t want to be dead I just don’t want to BE anymore. Looking for the light in things when there’s nothing to grab is so tiring. I’m so tired.