On Monday March 29th we had our Anatomy scan at 2pm. I was 19 weeks and 3 days. We already knew we were having a girl. Everything was fine. I’ve felt great this pregnancy and no complications. At the ultrasound the tech was quite. She asked me to go empty bladder. She didn’t come back for 15 minutes. This is my second pregnancy and I could tell something didn’t seem right. She came back and took a few more pictures and told me I needed to head over to my ob/gyn office and they were expecting me. That’s when we learned our baby girl didn’t have a heart beat and probably didn’t for about 2.5-3 weeks. I was told I’d I have to be induced and could head over to the hospital now.

We arrived at the hospital at 6pm and I started receiving medications to induce labor. I never felt many contractions.. I believe the emotional pain masked the physical pain. She was born still at 2:56 am. I held my baby girl for 3 hours while I tried to birth the placenta but couldn’t which resulted in needing to be surgically removed.

I’m still in so much shock that this happened. She already had a name and was so wanted and loved. I’m so angry with the physical reminders that I’m not pregnant anymore. I’m not sure how to help my grieving husband and I already feel the strain on our relationship. I feel like a terrible mother to our 2.5 year old son. When can I wake up from this nightmare and feel “normal” again?

I’m so sad and sorry for anyone who has experienced miscarriage and still birth.. my heart is heavy.