He watches porn without me!?

Dear Glow group, please help me!

Everyone seems to say this is so normal and I should just get over it. But I feel physically ill, like I need to throw up for days after my boyfriend tells we that he’s watched porn recently.

I guess I feel betrayed mostly. Like he’s gone behind my back.

I saw my ex flirt with other girls in front of me and it felt exactly the same way. Just because it’s online and “not real” (even though they are real people) why does it make it any different?

I want to know everything about what he does and what he watches but as soon as he tells me I feel like throwing up and then I can’t get it out of my head for days. Now irrationally hate the actresses that he had his fantasies about. They feel like girls he’s cheated on me with.

I dumped my ex not because I ever found out that he physically did anything with another girl but because I caught him lying about sexting another girl and then tried to hide it.

My boyfriend is amazing and honest and nothing like that but I don’t feel wrong in comparing the feeling of both things. Just because nothing was physically touched between my bf and the porn actors doesn’t mean that the feeling of betrayal isn’t as strong.

What if I caught him wanking to a picture of one of mine or his friend? Why is that any different to porn?

He says he much prefers doing things with me but I feel like if I was that sexy blonde from the tv he’d be more into it. Maybe even just in the moment.

Am I being irrationally insecure? Is it ok and normal for people in relationships to watch porn without their SOs?

I’m an old romantic and I don’t want to be loved by half. I don’t want to just be better because I’m physically here and she’s not... I want to be the fantasy not the physical place the fantasy gets played out...

I’m so unsure all the time now and don’t want to be controlling or restrict my boyfriend from things he likes in life. But this genuinely upsets me so much and I don’t know if it’s a me problem or a him problem?!?

Please help! I need advice!